Running To Stand Still
by Ladywilde
Summary: Ch 18 Up pls read and review! Things will take a disturbing and surprising turn that will ultimately pit Jack and Sawyer against one another and leave the woman they love caught between them. Set after Season 2 finale, Rated M for mature themes.
1. Island To Discover

**Running To Stand Still**

_This story is rated M for mature themes, including sexual situations, swearing, torture, and general darkness and angst. It is a Kate, Jack, and Sawyer story set immediately after the Season 2 finale after they are kidnapped by the others. I am planning this to be a 40+ chapter story depending on how its received…thanks for reading, enjoy._

_Summary: Things will take a disturbing and surprising turn that will ultimately pit Jack and Sawyer against one another and leave the woman they love caught between them._

_Note: The title is from one of my favorite U2 songs. Also, please excuse the confusion regarding Ben/Henry - at this point the survivors know him as Henry but I will have Juliet (yes, she's in this…) refer to him as Ben._

A warning sign  
You came back to haunt me and I realized  
That you were an island and I passed you by  
And you were an island to discover  
Come on in, I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in  
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones  
That I started looking for a warning sign  
- Coldplay

Chapter One

Island to Discover

She was drifting in and out of consciousness, her eyes open now tried desperately to focus her vision on something stationary but everything was spinning, everything was blurry and out of her control.

She felt coldness, as if ice was being spread across her body and as she became aware of the temperature in the room, she came to the startling and frightening realization that she was completely naked. Naked and tied down to a stretcher of some sort. Her vision focused for a moment and in that moment she became aware of a woman in white surgical scrubs peering at her with intensely blue eyes.

The room darkened and her vision a long with it, quite clearly she heard herself screaming for help.

"Your going to need to calm down, Kate," wafted a voice of which she could not place, a man's voice and one not completely unfamiliar to her.

As she struggled to get out of the restraints that held her, she was aware of the woman, the doctor, sliding a long syringe into the meaty portion of her forearm.

"Will have better luck when you are sleeping," the woman told her as her vision spun out of her reach and nothing but thick, rolling blackness came over her to replace the cold terror that had found its way to her heart.

-------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, wake up."

Jack came to find Sawyer kneeling above him, slapping him in the face.

He jolted awake and came to with a start, nearly sending Sawyer flying backwards.

"Jesus!"

The southerner drawled as Jack sat up and started coughing, his throat felt dry, scratchy. He turned over on his side, trying to clear his throat.

"Water," he managed to choke out.

"There ain't any, doc were in a goddamn cage."

Jack looked up and saw that they were, an outside cell complete with bars. It was night and Jack was unsure of just how long he had been unconscious, days, hours.

He surveyed his surroundings and found that he was lying on nothing but hard dirt, wearing the same clothes that he had been wearing when the others had placed burlap bags over there heads and drugged them.

Drugged them! Kate…

"Where…is…she?"

He turned around and saw that Sawyer was sitting there against the bars, his head thrown back and a look of pure weariness and defeat etched deep in the lines of his face.

"I don't know," he said, bending his head, "She ain't with us."

Jack tried to stand but couldn't, his legs weakened and he collapsed. He cursed angrily.

"It'll come back," Sawyer said softly from next to him.

"We have - she's out there," Jack protested, he felt as if he were underwater, everything moved very slowly, no doubt the effects of whatever drugs were still waltzing their way through his bloodstream.

"I know," Sawyer said, "If those sonsofbitches so much as look at her wrong," he vowed with bated breath, he threw a look over at Jack, "Let's just say, I wouldn't want to be them."

"We got to - might find a way out," Jack said quickly, glancing about.

"I already looked and there ain't no way out I can sure as hell see."

"If she dies…" Jack whispered, as tears of frustration, uncertainty and cold fear began blurring his vision.

"She ain't going to die," Sawyer said stubbornly, locking eyes with Jack.

"Not while were here she ain't."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

When Jack opened his eyes again, sunlight filtered through his vision, the sounds of people talking somewhere in the distance came to him as he sat up and tried to get his bearings. He was in the same cage he had been in earlier with Sawyer but he now Sawyer was gone and he was alone. He turned and saw the man he knew as Henry standing there outside his cage, dressed neatly in pressed khakis and a buttoned up dress shirt.

"Good Morning, Jack," he said easily.

Jack pulled himself up by gripping the bars of his cell. His legs still felt shaky but anger was pulsing its way through him now, spurring him on.

"Where are my friends?"

"There here Jack, there okay…"

"Kate, where is she - what did you do to her?" he demanded.

"Do to her, what would we do to her, Jack?" Henry said with a soft smirk.

"You goddamn bastard, let me out, do you hear me!"

"I hear you," Henry said with an indulgent smile.

"I want to see her," Jack insisted with a rough shake of his head.

"You're a prisoner Jack, you don't get to make demands," Henry said still smiling as he turned and started walking away.

"Hey! Don't you walk away!" Jack slammed his hands against the bars, frustrated by the sheer lack of control that he felt. He was scared, shaking, and full of blind fury.

Kate.

All he could see before him now was his last image of her as they put the bag over their heads, the silent exchange they had made with their eyes, the fear in hers and the trust, the trust that she had for him and conveyed with those soft green eyes of hers. She had believed in him, trusted him to save them all and he couldn't, he would not fail her, not while she still lived, not while he still breathed. He would figure something out, he had to.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kate woke up covered in a white sheet, she was still nude but made comfortable now. Her head felt heavy and she was tired, almost too tired to keep her eyes open but she tried, had to.

Jack, Sawyer…where were they? Were they ok? She couldn't bear, could not fathom if something happened to them, they couldn't go and leave her alone in this horrible place, with its cold, gray cinderblock walls and odd medical equipment, The room was dark, lit only by a single red light bulb in the corner. She was hooked up to what looked like a heart monitor and an I.V, there were wires and tubes running in and out of her arms.

She was alone, locked in some windowless cell and she was completely naked, weak and helpless.

She pulled herself up, saw she was alone in this strange room. She reached for one of the tubes running clear fluid, into her veins, with a strangled cry, she started to yank out the tubing, her thoughts only on freedom, escape.

"Don't!"

A voice, a woman's voice said from a speaker somewhere in the room.

"We are watching, Kate… do that and things will get unpleasant, nod if you understand."

Kate released her grip on the tubing in her hand.

"Where are my friends?" she whispered, her voice weak, tired.

"There okay, Kate… and so are you as long as you cooperate."

Kate nodded and threw herself back down on the bed she was lying in, defeat flooded over her, leaving her weak and exhausted. They had her on camera, like an animal in a cage, a zoo.

She was a prisoner. This time there would be no running away.

"Is she healthy enough?"

Juliet spun around at the sound of his voice. She had been standing and observing Kate Austin on the monitor in front of her.

"Yes, Ben" She said as she turned, "not that it matters, but she'll do fine…"

"Good," Benjamin Linus, formally known as Henry Gale, said with a grin as he stepped up to the monitors and observed Kate lying helpless in the room they had placed her in.

"This is going to work, Juliet," he said turning to her, his eyes intense and demanding, almost asking of her to say otherwise.

"Of course," she said, with a nod, inside she wasn't so sure.


	2. Slow Spinning Redemption

_Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews so far, you guys rock! _

_Okay, so some notes on this story, first off - I know there is some wonder as to if this is a Jate or Skate fic and truth be told, it's a bit of both - I myself am a hardcore Jater so this should give you idea as to were I am heading with this in the long run. Also, this is not a fluffy story - the romance in it will be of a much darker, desperate type - sorry if this seems like a slow start, but I want this story to build its own kind of steam. Anyway, I have rambled enough…enjoy_

Chapter 2

Slow Spinning Redemption

Slight hope  
It dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption... 

- Dashboard Confessional

Sawyer had been taken by gun point from the cell by two men while Jack slept. He had been awoken to someone kicking him in his side and ordering him to move. He looked up, jolted from a near coma like sleep to see nothing save harsh sunlight and the glint of hard metal.

Still, he would not let fear take him so easily, instead he rolled over and greeted the men standing before him with a cheeky grin.

"Howdy boys," he said with a smirk.

The one holding the gun, a burly man in what looked to be his forties, gestured towards him with the gun.

"Stand up," he ordered.

Sawyer rose on shaky legs and pulled himself up slowly to his full height.

"Why we dancing?"

The man didn't take the remark kindly, he swung out his hand and hit Sawyer hard against the side of his left temple with the gun. Sawyer slid back and hit the hard, metal bars nearly falling, catching himself, he stood up and faced the man before him, saw the other guy standing beside him was a lot younger, maybe twenty at best and he had a scared shitless look on his face as if he didn't want to be there at all.

Sawyer reached up and felt blood streaming through his fingers, dizziness came and went but he willed it away. He wondered if he could wrest the gun away from the older man before he could get a shot off, but quickly decided not to risk it.

He turned a quick glance to Jack's sleeping form, wondering what kind of crazy horse tranquilizers they had him on to sleep through this kind of scene.

"You gonna use that smart mouth of yours again, James?"

Sawyer stiffened at the sound of his birth name. He eyed the guy wearily, realizing that he was more then likely going to wind up shot if he kept up with the remarks, and he couldn't afford that not while they had Kate, not while she could be hurt.

He didn't answer.

"I said, you gonna…"

"Yeah, I heard ya," he remarked dryly.

"Good, now get your ass moving - someone wants to see you…"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kate must have gone back to sleep for when she awoke, she was fully dressed in a long white skirt and a clean blue tank top, someone had even gone to the trouble to put a bra and panties on her while she slept, a thought that disturbed her, it chilled her not knowing what someone could have done to her while she was drugged. She didn't feel drugged now, actually fairly well rested as if she had just taken a particularly relaxing nap.

She was in a different room - one with a bed, a dresser and a large chaise lounge. She slowly rose from the bed as her eyes adjusted to the sunlight. She saw that this room had walls, painted a summery yellow - there was even a window with lovely violet curtains blowing in the soft breeze. The only thing amiss was the fact that the window was covered with thick metal bars.

She turned and hurried over to the door, a huge metal thing and tried in vain to wrench it open, it wouldn't budge.

She glanced about the room frantic - all but sure that she was being watched, studied, she felt as if a million eyes were crawling across her body, noting her every move.

Suddenly the door opened, squeaking on its rusty hinges and out stepped a woman, a tall, beautiful blonde, carrying a tray of food.

"Are you hungry, Kate?"

"Who the hell are you?"  
She advanced on the woman who stepped past her and set the food down on the dresser.

She turned around and eyed Kate with cool nonchalance.

"Careful," she said, "do not do anything dumb or my people will be here in less then a second and trust me, you don't want that."

"I asked you who you are?" Kate repeated, hardness creeping into her voice and overcoming the shock she had felt initially.

"My name is Juliet," she said, "I'm your doctor…"

"What did you do to me?"

"An examine, Kate, nothing more."

"What the hell for?" Kate all but shouted at her.

"It's mandatory," Juliet told her softly.

"Mandatory?"

"Nothing to concern yourself with -"

Kate eyed her with distrust she could not even begin disguising, now that cold fear was passing, it was being replaced by cool anger, a desire to escape and this Juliet woman sensing this, was nodding, an indulgent smile on her face.

"You have five minutes," Juliet told her, "that is all…"

"For -"

Kate didn't have a chance to finish as two men propelled a blindfolded Sawyer into the room and removed his blinds. His eyes focused, saw who he was looking at and managed a smile just for her.

"Hyia gorgeous," he said softly.

"Sawyer?"

"Five minutes," Juliet told them as she backed out of the room, with the two men and locked the door behind them.

"Did they hurt you?" Sawyer asked as he came up to her and folded her carefully into his arms, closing his eyes, he savored the feel of her, the scent of her hair.

Kate squeezed her eyes closed and finally let the tears come, hot and desperate.

"No," she managed, not wanting to mention the exam she had undergone while naked and drugged, she didn't want to worry him especially since she didn't even know what they had done to her in the first place.

"Did they hurt you?" She asked, pulling back.

He gestured to gash on his forehead, dried with blood and beginning to bruise.

"Just this…"

She reached to touch it but he caught her hand and lowered it down to his side.

"It's nothing, Freckles - just a mosquito bite."

"Always with the jokes," she said, allowing herself a trace of a smile.

"Yeah well…"

"Have you seen Jack?"

The look of pure frantic worry on her lovely face, did not escape him.

"Yeah, he's bunking down with me…he's fine."

"I'm so scared, Sawyer," she whispered as she pulled him close to her.

"Yeah, I know but will get out of this," he whispered back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What did Jack say?" Juliet said asked as she and Ben sat down for a meeting, later in the evening.

"Nothing, demands…of course, like all doctors he is a bit on the arrogant side," he replied, and Juliet nodded, not missing the fact that he was directing his remark towards her.

"You were right." Juliet said, choosing to ignore his comment.

"About exactly?"

"Sawyer…there is something between him and Austin," she said coolly.

"He has his purpose," Ben said as Juliet slid a folder across the desk between them.

"These are the days findings, I just hope…" She paused.

"Go on."

"I just hope that you know what you are doing, Ben," she answered, locking her gaze to his.

"I have been planning this for longer then you can imagine Juliet, there is nothing left to concern ourselves with…"

"Except them," she said.

Ben smiled, "Yes," he said, "except them of course."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack sat alone in his cell, with nothing but his thoughts and a gnawing sense of growing desperation. One that had crept into his heart and no amount of talking himself through had managed to help subside.

He tried not to think, imagine that Kate and Sawyer were dead and he was alone.

Alone now, in this place, with these people and soon they would come for him to and all that would be their to welcome him would be a bullet in the back of the head.

He heard the sound of people approaching. His eyes snapped open to see two armed men marching a blind folded Sawyer back to their cell. Jack stood, breathing a sign of relief to see his friend alive, as they opened the doors and threw Sawyer inside.

They shot Jack a look as he studied them, unsure of their motives.

Sawyer ripped the blind fold from his face and threw it towards them as they locked them back in.

"You did good, James…real good," the older of the two men told him with a cynical grin.

"Glad I could oblige, shithead," Sawyer muttered under his breath.

"Hey, I want to talk to Henry," Jack shouted, as they turned to leave.

"Henry, who the hell is Henry?" The older man said, tossing the comment back over his shoulder as they walked away and left Sawyer and Jack alone.

Jack turned to Sawyer who was standing beside him, his hands stained with dried blood, and a nasty bruise on his forehead that had not been there earlier.

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," Sawyer spat out, "Freckles is to - they let me see her."

"They let _you_ see her?"

"Yeah, like I said…she's good - hell, they even got her new outfit."

"Why did they let you see her?"

Sawyer eyed Jack wearily.

"I don't know," he said, after a moment.

Jack turned away, feeling the urge to cry, to let all the pent of anger and emotion erupt out of him. Yet, he didn't want Sawyer to see him lose control, especially over her, over the mere mention of her name.

Sawyer sensing the meltdown brewing, came over and in a rare show of support, rubbed Jack's shoulder.

"Hey man, keep it together, okay?"

"Yeah," Jack said, wiping a hand across his brow, he straightened up and nodded, swallowing back the lump in his throat.

"Good, now use that brain of yours for something and help me figure us a way out of this fucking place."


	3. Even If

_God, I am loving this story right now…so expect new chapters soon. As always, thank you all so much for the great reviews, they really make my day…_

Chapter 3

Even If

It's true the way I feel  
Was promised by your face  
The sound of your voice  
Painted on my memories  
Even if you're not with me  
I'm with you

- Linkin Park

Night had fallen and Kate stood by the bars of her lone window, peering out into a clear night sky, inhaling the scent of campfire and underneath it, the salty scent of the ocean.

It had been good to see Sawyer, hold him and know that he was okay but she could not mask, pretend the disappointment she had felt when it had not been Jack standing there before her, folding her up in the comfort of _his_ arms.

It was his assurance, his strength that she needed now, had always needed since she crashed landed in this godforsaken place. It had always been him, always would and yet, always when she allowed herself a moment to entertain the notion of him as someone other then a good friend, she felt as she always did a gnawing inadequacy, of not being good enough.

She had tried the love of a good man before, more then once and both times it had ended badly. She had poisoned her husband, killed her childhood sweetheart and had run away from both to save herself, that was what good guys, the nice guys got when they got involved with her. The bad guy was always the safer bet, chance were they were going screw things up before she even had the chance to do so herself.

Where were they right now? Somewhere close? Sawyer and Jack, Jack and Sawyer. Two men of whom she knew she could easily fall for…one would make her a slave to the flesh, the other the heart, both of whom filled her thoughts on this lonely night…her thoughts on the beach, back were she could flirt with both, toy with them as was her nature, watch them squirm in the heat of her gaze. It had been fun for awhile but then it got complicated. It always did when things like love and want and desire came into the picture. Yes, she had craved their desire, sought their attentions, hungered for them but love, she could not fathom it, did not want it and yet, she could no longer ignore it. It was there, probing, prodding, demanding a response, asking her for a name.

She closed her eyes, lying her head against cool, hard metal.

Love, was this what it felt like - beneath the fear, the confusion, the utter terror she felt at being locked up against her will, was that what troubled her tonight, the thought that she was in love and she wasn't sure who with…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How long did it take you to get to the room they were holding, Kate?"

Sawyer shrugged, "I don't know," he admitted.

Jack shook his head, frustrated.

"Christ, doc - Boss Hogg over there had just slugged me with a pistol, scuse' me for forgetting to count to ten."

"Fine," Jack said, getting worked up, all over again, "You just sit back with a few Mai Tai's and leave the escape plans up to me," Jack shot back at him.

Sawyer eyes narrowed, he didn't like it when Jack started in with that condescending tone of his, it infuriated him.

"Yeah, maybe I will, got an umbrella for my drink?"

Jack realized that he had gone a bit to far, he was rushing to place blame and it really wasn't fair to Sawyer, besides if they started bickering, they would never stop.

"Look, I'm sorry," Jack said carefully, "I didn't mean to -"

"Yeah, I know," Sawyer said, "just forget it."

There was uneasiness there as they both paused, waiting for the other to speak. It was always like that between them, tension, thick and heavy, whenever conservation lagged, whenever they weren't down each others throats trading insults and barbs - The tension between them had a name, a name and beautiful green eyes.

Kate. Like a line in the sand, she stood between the two of them, a line in the sand that if crossed would erupt in a full out, dragged down _war_.

Whereas Jack understood this, at least his subconscious did, he always backed down but Sawyer didn't know the concept, he trudged on through with the verbal jabs.

"Your just pissed cause you missed the field trip, this morning - sides' seeing Freckles, decked out in her Sunday best, it was boring as hell."

Freckles, why the hell did he insist on calling her that, Jack wondered as he always did. It pissed him off, Freckles, Christ! It sounded like what you would call the family dog.

"Got to tell you the truth, Sawyer, I am getting tired of…"

"Your tired, fuck you, Doc!"

Jack could feel his blood starting to boil and for a moment, just one he had the thought, the image of him - taking Sawyer by the throat and bashing his head against the nearest hard surface, until all that was left was bone, blood…

He took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind of the thought. What the hell was the matter with him? Sure, he had a temper, sure he could be emotional but wanting to kill someone, wanting to truly and for a moment kill the man standing before him, that was something else, something unnerving.

"This isn't going to work," Jack said, quietly.

"What?"

"This - us, were going die here, in this cage, because we can't even -"

"Don't get soft on me," Sawyer said, exasperated, "don't."

"Tell me Sawyer, do you even want to live?"

The question seemed to have a profound effect on Sawyer, Jack watched as the other man struggled with his emotions, cold fear was in his eyes.

"Yeah," he said after a moment.

"Good…because your no good to me dead," Jack replied.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The food had been drugged, that was the only rational explanation. Last night, he had been in that same horrid cell, sleeping on the hard dirt ground and now he was in some windowless room, unaware, unsure of whether it was day or night - if weeks or days had passed. Everything felt strange, the room was small, only the size of a prison cell. It was pitch black and it only added to his fear, his sense of being plunged into a black abyss, of not knowing if he were alive or dead.

He tried to steady his breathing, counting seconds, trying to remain calm. When inside he was screaming with panic, with fear so deep that it felt like part of his being, etched into his skin.

The room was cold, the walls icy to the touch and he didn't know why they had put him in this horrible room. They must want to break me, he reasoned, they want to wear me down, crack me.

He kept up with the breathing, counting numbers off - one, two, three…over and over again and busied himself imaging her face. Dreaming that she was close enough to touch, for him to reach over and take her face in his hands, he imagined her eyes, green and filled with tears, tears that he would wipe away with the thick pads of his fingers, tears that he would taste as he bent his lips to hers and seized her mouth with his own.

Kate.

Love.

Desire.

The words, images tumbled about in his head, filling him even in the midst of his fear, with an overwhelming need to have her with him. He needed to hold her, touch her, feel her from the inside out - he knew that once he had her, there would be no turning back, he would never let her go again.

_Get it together, Jack…get it…together…_

He heard a noise then, the sound of metal being squeaked on its hinges and in the pitch blackness he saw a shard of light, a door was being opened. That one shard, that one line of light, caused his eyes to squint against it as if he was being forced to stare directly into the sun. He shielded his eyes and saw the silhouette of someone, a woman come into the room and shut the door behind them.

A light switched on.

He looked up, the light hurting his eyes, making things blurry, he tried to focus on the person before him.

"Your alright, Jack," the woman said, with a soft voice.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I am someone who is going to help you," she said, her tone gentle.

He tried to get up, stand - pulling against the weight of chains, tied to his legs, his wrists.

"Let - me - out," he said, stressing the words.

"No, not yet…" The woman said and there was the sound of a chair being moved into place, the woman sat down and leaned over him and began using a cool rag to wipe the dirt from his brow.

He jerked his head away from her, slowly his eyes were focusing, he was able to make out her face, she was very beautiful…slanted cat eyes, thin lips… a cold beauty.

"Don't you fucking touch me," he hissed.

She sat back, nodded.

"Do you know why you are here?"

He shook his head.

"You're a great man, Jack…a doctor, a leader…"

He turned his head away.

"You don't like hearing that do you, Jack?"

He turned back to her.

"I am not…"

"A leader," she finished for him, he saw a smile touch the corners of those thin lips of hers.

"No, I don't think that's true, Jack…its not and will prove it to you," she told him.

"You'll see - there is such a thing as destiny - as birthright, Jack but only when you are ready to see…"

He didn't understand her words, the conviction behind them.

"Where is Kate…where is she?"

"She's well…you'll see her, soon."

The woman stood and started to leave.

"Hey, don't - don't leave me here…"

The thought of spending another moment, just one locked in this dark, hellish cell caused a wave of dizzying panic.

He struggled once more against his restraints, all in vain.

"You need to remember," she said, "only then will we let you out," she said, switching off the light and plunging him once more into cold, inky blackness.


	4. The Only One

_Thanks to all who have been reading and enjoying this, it really makes my day…_

Chapter 4

The Only One 

there's no-one left in the world  
that I can hold onto  
there is really no-one left at all  
there is only you  
and if you leave me now  
you leave all that we were  
undone  
there is really no-one left   
you are the only one

- Cure

"How much longer are you going to keep him in there?"

Ben looked up from the work on his desk and saw Juliet standing by the doorway, arms crossed over her chest.

A disapproving look folded into the corners of her sullen mouth.

"No hello?"

She ignored his sarcasm and plunged straight through with her concerns.

"This isn't going to work - he'll go insane in there…"

Ben turned his gaze from her as if annoyed.

She crossed the room and took the seat across from him.

"It's been three days of light and food deprivation…it's…"

He carefully removed his reading glasses, rubbed the base of his nose and let out a slow, irritated sigh.

"Just do your job," he said, weary as always of her constant complaints.

"I am doing my job but - this - this is…"

"What?" His exasperation fully evident as he looked at her.

"Your going to kill him," she finished.

"Thank you for your professional opinion doctor but that isn't likely."

Juliet grimaced at his words, their coldness.

She could feel the anger start to rise out of her, seeking an outlet, a source of which to vent.

"Why cause some witch doctor…"

He slammed his hand against his desk, which caused her to jump, he stood, and glared down at her with furious eyes.

"Don't you dare pass judgment on things you have no idea as to their significance, you have a job to do - so do it and keep your opinion to yourself, do you hear me?"

She swallowed and nodded, collected herself.

"Yes," she said softly.

"Good, now get out of here…and don't bother me unless it's worth my time."

She stood and went to leave, feeling his hard stare burning into her back.

"Do you remember your promise to me?" she asked, turning back at the door.

His eyes met hers, unreadable, unknowable.

"Of course," he said, nodding his response.

She wiped at the one lone tear that she allowed to fall, her voice came out a mere whisper when she spoke again.

"You leave too much to chance, you always have…"

"All we have are chances, Juliet," he said and for the first time in a long time there was tenderness in his voice.

"I'll go check on them then," she said, quietly.

"Good," he told her as she left.

He watched her leave and then sat back down, rubbing his eyes again, their was pressure in his head again, a weariness that had settled into his shoulders, he sighed lowering his head.

Goddamn Juliet and her opinions, her words…who was she to put doubt into his mind, cause him to rethink what the heavens themselves had aligned in order to make happen. How dare she!

He sat back in his chair and drew a long drawn out sigh.

He was worried about her, he worried about her loyalty, her devotion to their cause. He couldn't have her weaken on him, back down. There was too much at stake. He had to have full confidence in her, for if she wasn't with him - then she was against him, a traitor. He did not take traitors kindly, even if the would be traitor in question was his very own wife.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Don't choose, Jack, don't decide. You don't want to be a hero, you don't try and save everyone because when you fail. . . _

He sat alone in that horrible room, left alone without reason, without reality, haunted by voices, ghosts. Everything that hurt came back to haunt him now, as he laid alone in the dark, hearing his fathers voice, felt the sting of the words that had shaped him, defined him. He had tried, he had spent his whole life trying to be the kind of man he thought he could never be and now, now locked up, chained to a wall, all he had were his doubts, his failure.

He was not a hero, his father was right - he didn't have what it took. He wasn't good enough.

He had nothing now but voices - faces from his past.

He saw Sarah, heard her speak, the look of disappointment pooled in her impossibly blue eyes, her bitterness.

_You'll always need something to fix._

He saw his mother standing before him, begging him to go to Australia to make things right with his father. The anger in her voice, the blame she placed on him for his fathers downward spiral.

He saw Kate - standing before him in the jungle the day they had kissed, those sad, hurt eyes of hers. The way she had felt beneath his hands, the warmth of her skin, her hot breath.

The pain, the sorrow, the need in that kiss. The love that he had hoped to convey to her with just his eyes, his shortness of breath as they broke apart. He had never been so overwhelmed, so overcome by a moment in his life. He had wanted to go after her as she had turned and ran him, but he couldn't, his legs leaden, his thoughts a dizzying spin of such acute want that is was almost painful in its intensity. Now, all he had was that memory, that one tangible of her, of having her in his arms and he savored it, dreading the realization that it could have possibly been the one and only time in which he would hold her in this life.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was asleep on the bed.

She sat on the chair across from him, watching him as he breathed, easy and deeply.

She couldn't sleep and envied the way in which he could close his eyes and block out the world, allow himself the pleasure of escaping from the hell their lives had become.

Three days ago, they had brought Sawyer into her room and told them both that he could stay with her as long as they did not try to escape.

They both were puzzled by this strange turn of events but welcomed the familiar, the comfort of no longer feeling quite so alone.

When the blonde woman came in to bring food, she was always accompanied by the same two men with guns and surly expressions. Each and every time, Kate asked if she could see Jack.

Every time it was no.

Today, the third day, anger had erupted out of her before she could stop herself.

She had charged the woman, knocking over her tray and causing her to skid backwards and nearly fall into the dresser behind her.

The bigger and older of the two men was on her in a second, knocking her backwards and stepping painfully on her collarbone when she tried to get back up.

He directed his gun at Sawyer who was moving in on him, trying to gauge an advantage.

"Don't you move," he told Sawyer, who stopped dead in his tracks.

"Where is he? Is he dead…tell me…"

Kate all but begged from her position on the floor, the man took the opportunity to grind his boot heel deeper into her collarbone, causing her to cry out in pain.

"Leave her alone, you sonofabitch," Sawyer cursed, not able to stand the sight of Kate suffering.

The woman straightened up, pushed hair out of her face and nodded at the man with the gun.

"Let her up," she said.

"Christ, Juliet - the crazy bitch tried…"

"I know what she tried," the woman, Juliet said, "let her up."

The man removed his foot from Kate and stepped back, the gun still trained on Sawyer who was glaring at him.

He moved over and took Kate's hand, helped her up.

"He's not dead, Kate…he's fine, he's adjusting," Juliet said slowly, choosing her words with great care.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means nothing to you," Juliet said by way of cryptic answer.

"I want to see him," Kate demanded, tears of frustration, stinging her eyes, her hands shaking with the rage she felt.

"No," Juliet said, " and next time you try anything like that - will shoot Sawyer in the kneecap, understood?"

Kate nodded and glanced at Sawyer who was still locking eyes with the man, holding the gun on him.

"Good," Juliet said, backing out of the room, she gestured to the spilled food on the floor.

"Enjoy your lunch," she said, as the two men lowered their weapons and followed Juliet out of the room, locking the hard, metal doors behind them.

Now, later on, here she was sitting up alone and crying, silent tears that streaked her face and caused her body to shake, she hugged herself tight not wanting to believe in the possibility that she had been lied to, that he was dead.

She got up and sat on the bed, waking Sawyer up.

"Freckles, what - what is it?" he asked, sitting up and taking in the sight of her by moonlight, in tears and so beautiful it hurt his heart to look at her.

"Will you hold me?" She asked.

She sounded so scared, like a little girl who had just waken from a particularly nasty nightmare, he hated to see her so vulnerable, so wounded.

The Kate he knew, the strong, fearless Kate was breaking down in front of him. He opened his arms to her and she snuggled into him, savoring his warmth.

"It'll be okay," he murmured into her hair, stroking it between his fingers. He pulled together every ounce of tenderness in him and gave it to her, hoping to comfort her, even for a moment.

"It's not," she whispered, her thoughts on impossibly dark eyes, a grin she longed to see and be reassured by, the need of someone else, to be in his arms.

For as long as she believed the worst, that they had killed him, that he was gone, the more convinced she became that nothing would ever be right again.


	5. Words You've Borrowed

_Okay, so I am playing around a bit with the AU thing, Ben and Juliet are married in case you didn't catch that in the last chapter, this chapter will start a bit with Juliet's back story. I will be incorporating bits and pieces of it throughout the entire piece, in order to shed some light on what Ben's motives really are… also don't worry - I am going to come right out and tell you that this is a Jate fic all the way, yes, there will be Skate but Jack and Kate are the real deal… it's just not going to be a happy story that's all I am saying. _

Chapter 5

Words You've Borrowed

So why do you fill my sorrow  
With the words you've borrowed  
From the only place you've know  
And why do you sing Hallelujah  
If it means nothing to you  
Why do you sing with me at all?

- Damien Rice

(_this is quite possibly the most beautiful song ever written_…)

_5 years ago_

_Los Angeles, California_

She didn't think much of him at first, he was short with an odd appearance, pop eyes, a small mouth, and a almost effeminate way of carrying himself but he was also witty, charming and extremely intelligent. It was his intelligence that drew her, being a doctor, a fertility specialist she often came across as a bit on the intimidating side. Men seemed to shy away from her as if her vast intelligence and opinionated stance were some how threatening to their masculinity.

So, when this brilliant doctor, a researcher as he told her with money to burn began courting her, treating her like an actual woman - one who was both beautiful and brilliant, she was won over.

She was heading into her thirties and all she had was work, in fact, her life at that point was rather lonely. She had always been a loner by nature but secretly craved someone to share her life with, someone who was as deeply entrenched in his work as she was in her own. Ben was such a man, he may have not been someone she was attracted to physically but he had all the internal qualities she desired.

After a while, his looks no longer bothered her, soon real affection grew and when she went to bed with him, several months after they had begun dating, he was a surprisingly tender and satisfying lover.

When he asked her to marry him, she said yes.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What do you know about him?" A colleague of hers, a woman named Michelle asked her one day over lunch.

"Enough, he's good to me," Juliet said as she twisted off the top of her water bottle and took a slow drink.

Michelle who was busying herself adding dressing to her chef salad, dropped her eyes.

"What is it?"

Michelle looked up, chewed on her lip for a moment.

"It's nothing Jules," Michelle said, thoughtfully.

"It doesn't seem like nothing," Juliet said, "What is it, Ben, do you not like him?"

"I like him fine," Michelle lied, for truth be told she found Juliet's fiancée to be just this side of creepy, in fact, he made her skin crawl. There was something oddly forced about his persona, his kind soft voice, as if he were acting, playing a part. Still, she did not want to say anything. Juliet seemed blissfully happy and she didn't want to ruin her good mood.. Since, her thoughts were unfounded, she kept quiet.

"I'm happy for you," she added, a small smile, "really I am."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Present Day, On the Island_

She came to with a start, her dreams were starting to get to her - pieces and fragments of life before this place, before Ben, before his promise to her…would he keep it? So many broken things left behind, so much hope now faded and gone. Where did she go wrong? She had thought her husband to be the answer to all her prayers. She thought she had found a man who would be there for her, love her…why had everyone else seen what she had obviously not. Why was she always the one made out to be the fool?

She swung her feet off the side of her bed and went to the bathroom, washed her face with cold water and stared at her tired, worn out face in the mirror.

She slapped at her cheeks, staring at her own reflection, until it became ghostly and unreal.

The house was silent except for the sound of Ben slumbering in an adjacent room, the sound of the shutters being knocked around by the wind.

She made her way into the living room and slipped on a pair of sandals, still clad only in her nightgown, she reached for a cardigan that she kept on a chair and threw it on over her night clothes, carefully she stepped out the front door and unto their porch. She saw Pickett standing guard by the entrance of their home, he turned at the sound of the door squeaking open, and swung the flashlight he carried towards her. She held her hand up, blocking the hard glare.

"Hey Jules," he said, lowering the beam from her face.

"Hey," she said, stepping off the porch and coming to his side.

"Can't sleep?" he asked, mildly.

"Yeah, something like that," she told him.

"You look worn out," he told her, "that Austin woman didn't hurt you, did she?"

She managed a weary smile.

"No, I'm fine," she told him, "Just a touch of insomnia."

"Yeah, well I guess with all the changes going on…"

"Yeah," she said, her thoughts dark ones, she turned her head in the direction of the ocean, inhaled the salty scent of it.

"You sure your okay?"

"Oh sure, fine…I am just going for a short walk," she told him, " I need to clear my head a bit."

"Okay," he said lightly.

She turned and hurried off, down towards the direction of the building in which they kept Jack.

The guard on duty, looked up in surprise as she came towards him.

"Hi Derek," she said trying to keep her voice even.

"Hi Juliet," he said, "What are you doing here?"

"I left some papers in here today…"

"Couldn't wait till morning?" He asked, puzzled.

"No, I forgot to add something and if I forget Ben will have a fit…so…could we just keep this between us, okay?"

She smiled at him and he all but melted.  
Truth be told he had always had a thing for Juliet, a lot of the guys did, she was certainly good looking.

Still, she was the bosses wife and everyone was always weary of that fact, always making a point to avoid her unless necessary less Ben get the wrong idea…

"You know I don't like keeping secrets around here…"

"Derek, please…I just need a folder, nothing more…"

He relented, a definite sucker when it came to those beautiful blues eyes of hers.  
"Okay," he said relenting, "make it quick, okay?"

"Yeah, sure…"

She patted his shoulder, a touch that did not go unnoticed for Derek and went inside.

She switched on the lights and made her way down the long hallways till she came to the door at the far end.

She checked behind her to make sure he hadn't chosen to follow her and opened the door, she stepped in quietly and flicked on the lights.

Jack laid sprawled on the floor, no longer strong enough to sit up on his own. His clothing filthy and torn, he lifted his head slightly as she walked in and then placed it back down as she closed the hard, metal doors behind her.

"No light." he whispered, turning his head away from the harsh glare.

She flicked them off and went and knelt down beside him.

The tile floor was cold, as she rested her bare knees on it, she tried to imagine what his world was like now, what was going on in his head as he drifted away into madness. She wondered if it was somewhat freeing, somewhat liberating to fall face first into the unknown abyss, to no longer be chained to a life that you might have never had the desire to live in the first place.

"I want to kill you," she heard him mummer, words that startled her from her reverie. His voice was so faint, not even a whisper but it was loud enough and clear enough to bring a sharp stab of pain to her heart. Was this who she was now, what she had been reduced to?

"I deserve it," she told him, in a voice so low, he didn't hear her.

She sat back and leaned against the wall, unsure as to why she had come, what she had hoped to accomplish.

Why this need tonight of all nights after so many sleepless nights before it, did she feel the need to see and be confronted by what she did her best to ignore by day?

She was a puppet, Ben's puppet - he pulled the strings and she obeyed.

She leaned over and placed her mouth to his ear.

"I'll help you," she said, "I can't now but soon…this wasn't my intention…"

He didn't respond and she knew that if Ben didn't relent on his vision of "freeing" Shepherd soon, he would die.

She stood and made her way to the door. She paused as she heard him struggling to speak, he was delirious, she was sure - almost completely unaware of her presence in the room.

She turned back as his words, their faintness reached her ears.

"Kate," she heard his mummer, "Tell Kate…I ... love her."

It was with those words, words so painfully brutal in their intent, their longing, that the dam burst out of her and she started to sob.

Slow, steady streams of tears came that she could no longer hold back.

She wiped at them with the heel of her hand, touched the by the sincerity of his words, his truths and she felt pity then for herself, a woman who had never had a man say those words to her and mean them.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had led Kate out of the room with a bag over her head.

Sawyer had been angry, she could see the look of fear in his eyes.

"I'm okay," she told him.

"You better be," he said, directing the comment to the men escorting her out of the room.

Once out of the room, she had been lead down long tiled hallways and then outside, she could feel the ground beneath her feet. They then walked her a few more minutes until she heard the sound of a heavy door opening and felt someone take her arm.

"I got her," It was the woman, Juliet.

The bag came off and Kate found herself standing in what looked like an exam room.

"You can go now" Juliet said, turning to the two men who had brought Kate in to see her.

They nodded and left, Juliet closed the door behind them.

"Please sit up on the table," Juliet said as she turned and reached for some latex gloves and snapped them onto her hands.

"What if I say no?'

Juliet turned to her, tilted her head.

"Then we can do it like we did before, I could drug you…"

Kate looked around cautiously.

"Just because you don't see the cameras doesn't mean there are none," Juliet told her, patiently.

Kate realized that it wasn't worth fighting.

She kicked off her sandals and went to the table, hoisted herself up.

Juliet stepped towards her holding a stethoscope, "deep breath," she told her as she placed the cold, circle to her chest and listened while Kate drew in a breath.

"Exhale, please."

Kate did.

"Good, your lungs are good…"

"Why wouldn't they be?"

Juliet smiled, "seeing how you are twenty-five years old and in excellent shape, why not indeed."

"What is all this for? Why the exams?"

Juliet stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You know I can't tell you that," she said, almost as if she were explaining herself to a particularly daft child.

Kate looked away.

"He told me to tell you he loves you…"

Kate's head snapped back at those words, she turned to Juliet with startled eyes.

"He what? Jack?"

"Yes," Juliet said, " Jack…"

Kate didn't want to lose it, she didn't want this woman to get one tear out of her, not one!

She turned her face away, holding her hand over her mouth, tried to stop her sobs.

"I just thought you would like to know," Juliet whispered softly.

It was for Kate as if everything in her chaotic, stormy life had suddenly been made startling clear to her, the truth of what she could no longer deny. She loved him too, she always had - corny, yes but the moment they had met, as they had sat there on the beach that first day sewing up his wound. She had known, had locked eyes with his and saw her own self looking back.

_If that had been me, I think I would have run for the door. _

_No, I don't think that's true. You're not running now._

Kate could no longer hold back the flood of emotion that consumed her, she let it out, she cried.


	6. Only A Kiss

_Thank you all so much for all the really sweet reviews, you guys make this all worthwhile, anyways - if you have any suggestions, let me know… I am always open to them…_

Chapter 6

Only A Kiss

It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this  
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss…

- The Killers 

She hadn't spoken to him in almost an hour. When she had come back to the room an hour or so after she had left. Her eyes were red and swollen and her mouth little more then sharp grimace of pain. Sawyer started immediately to suspect the worst, imagined that they had hurt her. He went to her and tried to take her in his arms but she shook him off her. He demanded an answer, but she told him that she was fine and then went and laid on the chaise lounge, curled up on it with her back to him and her knees drawn up to her chest. He thought he could hear her crying, small sniffles as if she were trying to hold it back.

"You got to eat something, Freckles."

He said after a while.

"I'm not hungry," she replied in a small voice.

He was frustrated, maybe a little angry with her. Why in the hell didn't she talk to him?

"What did they do to you?"

"Nothing," she said.

"Fuck sake! Talk to me, tell me.."

She rolled over and faced him, wiped at her eyes.

"Jack's alive - at least I think he is…"

"You're crying cus' he's alive?" Sawyer said somewhat belligerently.

She clammed up and rolled over again, he saw her shoulders begin to shake again as she started crying anew.

"Never mind," she whispered into the folds of her arms.

"The hell, I will…" he said as he came and sat down on the lounge with her, instinctively she drew her legs up farther as if she were afraid to touch him.

He reached up and rubbed her bare calf, under her skirt.

"Hey, c'mon Freckles, keep me in the loop, okay?" He tried sweet.

She looked up at him, her eyes even greener when seen through a film of tears.

God! She's gorgeous he thought, taken in with her long wavy brown hair, those full lips, the little snub nose dotted with freckles. He had never seen a woman actually look beautiful while crying but she managed and she managed well.

"I just don't know what is what anymore," she admitted, " I don't know who I am - I don't know anything anymore."

He could understand that.

"I know," he said, still tracing his hand up and down her leg.

"I just want - I want to go back to the beginning and do things right - be good again."

"Me too," he admitted and he locked his eyes on hers, showed her he understood.

"But, I can't - I can't take it back and be good again. I can't erase what I have done and how I will never be…"

She paused, the breath stuck in her throat.

He reached over and removed a lock of hair from her face.

"Be what?"

"Clean…" She whispered, as his eyes drank in every inch of her tear stained face.

Was he in love with her? He didn't know - couldn't really say for sure, the thing was he had sure as hell never felt this way towards any one in his whole miserable life. He desired her, wanted her and yet, most of all he wanted to ease her pain and take it for his own.

He leaned forward and drew her to his mouth, her lips clamped shut, unrelenting - unwilling to move for him but then slowly, surely she was responding. Her tears hot against his face.

"Please…please…" She all but begged, her hands against his chest, her mouth hungry against his own.

"Please what?" he murmured as he trailed his lips down the side of her neck, stopped at her collarbone, kissed it.

" I can't," she finished, he pulled back - searched her eyes.

"It's him isn't it?"

She looked away, nodded.

"I get it," he said, standing.

There was no need to say his name. His mere presence suddenly filled Sawyer with anger, for he knew then with a almost painful awareness that he loved this woman. It was a large, angry thing, this new found love and already it was starting to grow ugly, to turn black inside him.

He stood and she reached for him, grabbed his hand, and squeezed tight.

Everything seemed to be falling apart around them. She didn't know what she wanted - who she wanted, she just knew that she was in love, a dangerous and painful thing. She wanted Sawyer, nearly hungered for him to take her, take her hard and fast - erase the agony she felt - blot it out, even if it was for a moment. She just didn't want to aware of anything anymore.

"I don't know what's real," she whispered, peering up at him with a face too beautiful to bear.

"How I feel bout' you is real," Sawyer answered, quickly, "and for what it's worth, Freckles - I like your flaws, I like that your broken - just like me."

He turned his face back to her.

"Do you think our hero doctor feels the same way?"

He didn't mean his words to hurt, but hurt they did - she lowered her head, and released his hand and started to sob.

"I don't know," she finally whispered, answering a truth to painful to bear.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He opened his eyes, slowly and with care - staring into a room that was slowly coming into focus.

A room that consisted of merely the bed in which he laid in. He noticed right away that he was hooked up to an I.V., a heart monitor. The light in the room was weak and yet, it still seemed painful to look at, to adjust his eyesight too.

He turned his head slightly, and saw that he was not alone. Henry was sitting in a chair beside him, hands laced together and rested on his lap.

He offered Jack a smile as he saw that his eyes were open.

"What the hell did you do to me?"

His voice came out like a ghost of itself, faint and strained.

"What needed to be done, Jack," he said, "how are you feeling?"

"Like shit, you?"

Henry nodded, his smile widening.

"A sense of humor, I like that."

" I could care less what you like…"

"This - anger you have for me, it will pass…."

"Yeah, go ahead and hold your breath on that one," Jack told him, his eyes burning black with anger.

"It will, it has to because…there are things that once you know, you'll be more inclined to see things from my prospective."

"Your prospective? you sonofabitch, you tried to kill me…" His voice rose with his anger, his words hot with emotion.

Henry's response was to say nothing, his smile widening.

It infuriated Jack to see him so calm, so unruffled. He felt the anger in him surge forth.

"I want to see her, do you hear me, I want to see her now!"

He reached for the I.V. and yanked it out , it began to bleed immediately, a red blot against pristine white bed sheets. He threw the tubing laced between his fingers and did his best to try and get up and out of bed but he was overcome by a sharp wave of dizziness. It sent him back onto the bed were he laid there breathless and frustrated, feeling completely powerless, a feeling he hated more then anything.

"That wasn't a smart thing to do," Ben said, calmly.

Jack didn't answer him, he turned his head up to the ceiling.

"The truth is we need to have a talk - man to man if you will."

"I have nothing to say to you, Henry" Jack told him, through clenched teeth.

"First off, the name is Ben - Benjamin Linus, I figured we could start with that."

When Jack didn't speak, Ben went on.

"Second, I relented to releasing you from that cell and not because I wanted to - actually, I am beginning to think it was too soon, your not ready."

This got Jack's attention, he turned his head back towards Ben.

"Ready for what?"

"To see the truth," Ben answered and then he stood and reached into his pocket, pulled a piece of paper from it confines and unfolded it. It was tissue paper thin and worn on the edges.

"Look at this," Ben said, holding it out to him.

Jack didn't want to look but curiosity got the best of him.

It was a crude drawing of Jack's tattoo. The tribal he wore on his shoulder.

"My tattoo," he said, somewhat dumbly.

"Exactly…"

"Exactly, what?"

"Jack, someone drew this for me nearly seven years ago…"

"What are you getting at…"

"That you and I - were fate, Jack not chance but fate and now that you are here…great things will happen and once you believe that, truly believe that then I will set you free…"

"You'll let me go," he muttered weakly.

"No, Jack…understand that once, you see - once you truly grasp the enormity of what this symbol represents," He held up the drawing, looked at it and then looked back at Jack with a mad glint in his eyes, "you won't want to go anywhere."

_Okay, for all my fellow Jaters, sorry for the Skate action…but, as you can see Kate's heart belongs to someone else…as it should…anyway, new chapter should be up sooner then later, thanks again for reading…_


	7. Barrel Of A Gun

_Warning: Minor Jacket tension here, I mean first off Juliet is a very 'frustrated' woman and Jack - well, we all know Jack looks pretty good even when stuck in captivity… so there you go…_

Chapter 7

Barrel Of A Gun

Is there something you need from me  
Are you having your fun  
I never agreed to be  
Your holy one

Whatever I've done  
I've been staring down the barrel of a gun 

- Depeche Mode

When Ben left the room after his talk with Jack, he found Juliet standing by the door as if waiting for him.

"What?"

He was in no mood to hear anything she had to say, he had known that it was too soon to release Shepherd and he had been right.

They had not broken him.

"How is he?"

He glared at her, and then turned heel and marched off.

She watched him stomp down the hall, he was angry with her that was fairly obvious. Yet, she knew she had been right. If they hadn't freed him when they had he would surely have died. Maybe, it would have been better for all concerned. She knew enough of Ben's 'grand scheme' to know that what he was planning was dangerous at best and catastrophic at worst. She paused for a moment, gathered her thoughts and then went into the room.

Jack looked up as she came in. She seemed familiar, this tall blonde with the look of a thousand worries on her lovely face.

"You two must have had some conversation," she said mildly.

He ignored her.

"How are you feeling Jack?" she went on, going to his side and noticing the I.V. that he had ripped out.

She picked up the loose tubing, looked at him.

"This is what was feeding you - giving you back your strength."

He shot her a look as if to say, he already knew that and couldn't care less.

She tilted her head to one side, thought a moment and then took a deep breath.

"This wasn't my intention, Jack…"

He turned to her, saw her again, slowly he began to put two and two together.

"It was you…keeping me in there," he said, figuring it out.

"Yes and no," she told him.

"What do you want from me?"

"What makes you think I want anything?" She asked and he turned his head, locked his eyes to hers.

He didn't answer her, just kept his angry gaze trained to the iciness of those blue eyes of hers waiting to see what she would do.

She was the first to break the intensity of his stare, she looked down and when she looked back up, she found him still looking at her.

His gaze was getting to her, making her uncomfortable. She did her best to ignore the obvious blush she felt slowly but surely creeping across her skin.

"Ben, he believes in you Jack…I do too," she finished finally.

"Believe in me for what!" His voice nearly cracking with his anger, he pushed himself up and out of the bed, a move that caused her to step back in response.

He was in her face, his lips inches from her own. He felt weak, weaker then he had imagined but willed himself to stand upright to not give into the waves of dizziness that threatened to pull him down.

She raised her hands up to defend herself and found them placed against the hardness of his chest.

She moved them away as if burned.

She backed up, not wanting to further antagonize him, he seemed capable of violence.

"Jack…"

"Just give me some goddamn answers, where are my friends…what have you people done to Kate?"

"Nothing."

"Then let me see her…"

"I can't," she whispered.

"Can't or won't?"

"Soon," she murmured as she turned to leave but he caught her arm and pulled her back.

She stared at his hand, gripping her arm so tightly it would surely bruise, she gave a strangled cry as she pulled but he wasn't budging.

His face was inches from her own, close enough to feel the hotness of his breath, see the blaze of fury in his eyes. His touch, the strength of his anger filled her with an almost overwhelming sense of desire. Her knees buckled but she did her best to appear indifferent to him, unmoved by the closeness of him.

"You give me some goddamn answers or I swear to god…"

He didn't get a chance to finish, the door burst open and in came two men armed with handguns, trailing behind them was Ben.

Jack quickly spun Juliet around so that she was in front of him, his arm locked around her throat.

"Drop them or I will kill her," he threatened.

The men with the guns did not waver, they kept them trained on Jack, not moving an inch.

"Did you fucking hear me, I will kill her!"

"So, kill her," Ben said.

Juliet turned her gaze to her husband and tried to gauge his reaction, was he serious?

Jack tightened his grip on her, causing Juliet to gasp for air, she could feel his arm crunching into bone.

"I swear to god," Jack threatened backing up until his legs pressed the back of bed with nowhere to go.

"So am I…" Ben said with a slight smile.

Jack loosened his grip on Juliet.

"Will talk about this Jack, no one needs to get hurt."

"Fuck you, I am tired of talking…I want you to let Kate and Sawyer go…"

"Jack, think about this rationally, even if you do kill her…which please by all means, be my guest, you will have nothing to bargain with…"

"You would rather me kill this woman?"

"She isn't some woman, Jack…she's my wife and to answer your question, yes."

Jack shook his head, feeling another wave of dizziness come, he faltered, nearly falling but managed to get his bearings.

Slowly the realization that his plan wasn't going to work began to slowly sink in. Would he really kill this woman and what for? Revenge? Freedom? There was no way he was getting out of this room.

His plan had been rash and ill conceived to begin with.  
He released Juliet, who fell to her knees clutching her throat and retching as the air she so desperately needed began to fill her lungs, she gasped and struggled to steady her breathing.

"Take him back to the room," Henry ordered, eyes narrowed as the men with the guns advanced on Jack, who fell to his knees, too weak to no longer stand, roughly they hoisted him up by the arms and propelled him out of the room. As they dragged him away he was able to sneak one more look at the woman on the ground, gasping for air. She looked up with tears streaming down her cheeks but she met his eyes, the pain in them mirroring his own.

Henry waited for the room to clear and then calmly went to his wife and offered her his hand.

She swatted it away and looked up at him, her eyes slants of anger.

"Don't touch me," she hissed.

"He wouldn't have killed you," Henry said calmly.

"Your sick," she told him as she climbed to her feet, her steps unsteady.

"And your alive so could you please spare me the dramatics?"  
"Rot in hell," she told him in a heated whisper as she started out of the room.

"Juliet…"

She turned, looked back at him. Her husband, the thought filling her as always with the same mixture of disgust and pain.

"You can not allow yourself to appear sympathetic, bigger things are at stake here."

"All that's at stake is your own ego," she told him, hotly as she turned heel and left him staring after her.


	8. Slipping Away

_Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews, I really appreciate them._

Chapter 8

Slipping Away

If everything we've got is slipping away  
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day  
I'm holding on to you, holding onto me  
Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see  
You're all I see 

- Mat Kearney

Conversation between them had been stilted at best. He had offered her the bed but she had declined, telling him that she preferred the chair.

After, she had fallen asleep, he had sat up and watched her, wondering why it was so hard to apologize. Why he couldn't just say he was sorry for saying those things to her and making hurt more then she already was.

Maybe, he really was an asshole.

Sawyer was at wits ends over his feelings for Kate.

He knew now he loved this woman, would protect her or die trying.

All his life he had secretly wanted a woman he could feel something for - love a woman truly and not want anything from her in return, except maybe her love but he had never allowed himself, he saw first hand what love did to people, what it could make people do and he had never wanted any part of it. He saw the aftermath, he knew the mess it left.  
He could have loved Cassidy and maybe a part of him had but he she was his mark and he had a job to do so he did it, he walked out on her like he had every other woman who had gotten just a little too close for comfort. Now, it was impossible for with Kate - there was no con, no game to be played - he simply wanted her but she wanted someone else.

Someone better.

Sawyer would never admit it but he knew she had made the better choice. As much as he downright despised Jack on occasion, he also knew he was a good man, the better man and if Kate was with him, she would be okay. The good doctor would take care of her.

He had lived his whole life with the mantra, "everyman for himself." But, now - watching the sleeping, tear stained face of this beautiful, wounded creature that had stolen his heart, he could no longer believe it.

He wanted to give her a chance at something good.

He wanted her to be free.

If it came down to it and the opportunity presented itself, he would jump in front of the first bullet if it meant a shot at redemption, of freeing the both of them.

He wanted her to go on - to live and be happy even if it wasn't with him, even if it was someone else who got to hold her, taste those sweet lips of hers, live only for her.

The feeling, love - was more painful then he realized it would be, it was hot fire and twisted insides, knots of unease and worry and plain, old fashion fear.

For the first time in his life - he had to care about someone else, worry about them.

It was enough to slowly but surely drive him crazy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kate rolled over, the sun in her eyes, she yawned and started to stir. She laid there for a moment as she slowly got her bearings and as always when it hit her, it her with a jolt. She was a prisoner, she was locked up.

She sat up slowly, stiff from sleeping curled into a ball, lazily she stretched out her legs and felt them slowly wake with the rest of her.

Sawyer was awake, sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her.

"How'd you sleep, Freckles?" He asked, hoping to keep his voice light.

He was hoping they could get past the conversation that they had earlier and she seemed to feel the same way for she offered him a slight smile and told him that she had slept fine.

"You?"

"Just peachy," he drawled.

Kate stood, stretched out her legs, she lifted her hands over her head and yawned.

Sawyer tried not to look as the tank top she wore rode up, revealing the taut flesh of her stomach, but he couldn't help himself, always drawn to her, to look at her.

She saw him watching and lowered her arms, he looked away but not before she saw the look of pain his eyes.

She felt sympathy for having turned him down, rejected him.

She came to his side and sat down next to him on the bed, she took his hand and laced her fingers through it, held it.

He looked down at the sight of her sitting there holding his hand, she rested her head against his shoulder and he didn't speak, couldn't bring himself too.

"This is going to sound stupid, Sawyer but I consider you my best friend."

It did sound kind of dumb to him considering that the last thing in the world he wanted was her "friendship" but nonetheless he was a bit flattered. He knew Kate was a lot like him, the kind of person who kept themselves guarded, had a hard time making friends with people.

"Is that what there calling it these days?" He kidded as was his way when he couldn't bring himself to say what he really wanted.

She pulled back and searched his eyes.

"I'm serious," she told him.

"Yeah, darling me too," he said, allowing a trace of the sentiment he felt to creep into his voice.

"If your mad at me, if you hate me…I don't want that," she added quickly.

She didn't really want to talk about it, about how he felt towards her but she couldn't stand to have things weird between them especially now that they only had each other. She needed him, and she knew he needed her too.

"I don't hate you," he said, somewhat roughly, fighting the urge to kiss her yet again, seize that mouth of hers and shut her up, keep her from saying more things that hurt, more things that killed him ever so slowly inside.

"I never will, got it?"

She smiled and leaned over planted the smallest of kisses on his lips.

"I got it," she said softly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had come to take her for another exam.

She felt dread worm its way into her gut as they put the bag over her head, she breathed the mustiness of it, as if someone had left it out in the rain and fought as always the urge to gag.

"Where are you taking her?"

She heard Sawyer demand and whoever held her arm, gripped her tighter.

"Shut up, if you know what's good for you," someone told Sawyer with a voice that almost begged him to argue but Sawyer didn't seeing how the man had a gun trained not on him but on Kate, the fury of watching them put a bag over her lovely face and drag her off to god knows where and not being able to do a goddamn thing wore on Sawyer.

The anger blazed hot in his eyes.

"You get back here soon, Freckles," she heard him say as they turned her around and frog marched her out of the room, she heard the door close behind them.

They gripped her arm tighter and began pulling her through what felt like a hallway, she counted her steps, noted when they turned right and then left and then down a stairwell. They turned down another, more turns, more twists. Slowly she began to realize that they were not taking her for another exam.

They were not going outside, panic began to fill her as she descended lower into some sort of basement, it was damp down there, she could feel it settle into her skin.

She gave a strangled cry as they nearly dragged her forth, she fought the terror, threatening to overtake her.

"Just a few more steps," they told her.

"Where are you…taking me," she managed to ask but they didn't answer.

She heard the sound of a large metal door being opened. She was shoved inside it, thrown to the ground, and the door closed behind her.

She had hit the ground hard, banging her knee, she pushed herself up in a panic.

"Jesus Christ, Kate?"

She knew that voice, she turned to it as she felt someone take her in their arms and pull the bag off her face. She pulled back stunned as she took in the man before her. She found herself face to face with Jack. A thinner, gaunter Jack but Jack nonetheless, she started to sob as he folded her carefully in his arms and sank down with her on the cold, cement ground, he rested his head against her shoulder and breathed in the feel of her.

"Oh my god, oh my god…" She whispered over and over again.

"It's alright," he soothed, "it's alright."

She pulled back slightly and cupped his face in her hands.

He rested his hands over her own and pressed his forehead to hers.

"Are you hurt? What did they do to you?" She whispered.

"It's okay, I'm fine…you?"

"Yes…oh god, I thought - I thought," She murmured as relief flooded through her as she finally grasped, understood that he was here with her, that he was safe.

He took her hand and put it to his lips, his eyes never leaving her face. He reached over and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"I know, I know," he whispered, as he drank in every inch, every line of her beautiful face.

She grabbed him by the neck and pulled him to her, held him tight.

"Don't you ever - don't you ever leave me again, Jack," she whispered into the crux of his neck.

He squeezed tighter, feeling her thin, frail body quiver in his arms and as he did a lone tear fell from one eye and trailed the length of his face.

He closed his eyes, "Never again," he vowed.


	9. Forever Is Our Today

_Hopefully, I have put in enough little clues into this chapter so you can get the gist of Ben's evil plan…yeah, Ben is a complete bastard but he's fun to write …._

_Also, warning - this chapter is R Rated. So…if your offended by things of a sexual nature, you might want to skip this one…if not then I hope I did it justice. _

Chapter 9

Forever Is Our Today

Now touch my tears with your lips  
Touch my world with your fingertips  
And we can have forever  
And we can love forever  
Forever is our today

- Queen

Juliet watched from the monitoring station as the camera in Room 8 captured Jack and Kate's reunion. She could see even in the harsh black and white, the tear that had trailed Jack's face as he folded Kate into his arms and held her.

The look on his face, stirred her deeply - relief, gratefulness, fear, and most of all love.

She placed her hand to her throat, the breath stuck there as she took in the scene before her, one so beautiful and romantic, it hurt to see, to bare witness to.

"How's it going?"

Juliet turned, startled at his voice as he came in. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and nodded.

"Fine," she said, quickly.

Ben stepped into the room and observed the scene before him.

"He seems pleased, doesn't he?"

She couldn't find her voice.

She nodded and turned away from him.

"Your mad at my decision," Ben said as he took in the coldness of her posture, the way she refused to look at him.

"No," she muttered.

He took her arm and made her look at him.

"Go on, say it."

"It shouldn't be his child," she answered him, raising angry eyes to his.

"Oh really," Ben said with a sinister smile.

"Yes, really," she countered, tugging her arm from his.

"Well, Sawyer would have been the better choice but someone and I am not naming names seems to have turned Kate away from his advances…"

He let his meaning hit home. She turned her head away.

"So if your going to blame someone, blame yourself…"

His words hurt, she looked up at him, glared.

"It might not take," she whispered.

"It will…are you telling me your medical opinion of Austin was inaccurate, doctor," he made the words sound like a curse.

"No, it's correct - but science is never exact."

"It'll work," he said, "If he loves her half as much you say…It will and he will do whatever I want in order to keep her safe."

"You're lying to him, if she…she's dead."

"And he better never know that, understand?"

His words were a threat, she nodded.

"What happens to Sawyer?"

"Oh he might still have some purpose," Ben said carefully, he turned to the monitor, watched as Jack cupped Kate's face in his hand and slowly began to kiss her.

He turned back to his wife and gave her an odd look.

"Now, that's love," he said, determined to stick the knife deeper.

She grimaced at the coldness of his words, there meaning.

"Yes, it is," she said.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he kissed her, she kissed back. His arms tightened their hold on her as he slid them under her shirt, caressed the bare skin of her back. She moaned, as he deepened the kiss, putting into it all that he felt for her.

It didn't matter, that they laid now on a bare, cement floor in a windowless cell. A single dim light bulb, letting them just about make out one another's faces. It didn't matter that they were prisoners, being held at the will of others whose motives laid shrouded in mystery, all that mattered was they were for the time, together.

He cupped her face in his rough hands and moved his lips down her face, trailed them along her jaw line and down her neck, stopping at her collarbone which he began to suck at ever so gently. His touch stirred her, brought her back to herself, she murmured his name over and over again.

He stopped long enough to look at her, run his hands over her hair.

"I want you," he whispered and his words, the depth of emotion behind them sent another wave of desire through her, turning her body to liquid.

"I love you," he admitted, almost shyly.

" I love you," she whispered, back and then she reached over and wrapped her hand around his neck and drew him to the heat of her mouth. She climbed into his lap, straddling him. Her soft breasts pushing against him, nearly driving him crazy with want. He reached his hands under her tank top and removed it, bra and all. Until, she was topless, wearing nothing but a flimsy skirt pushed up to her thighs. He wrapped her up tighter into his arms, deepening the kisses between them.

Her tongue snaked into his mouth and he responded.

The desire between them catching fire, burning hot between them.

He felt close to exploding, just the feel of her satin skin was enough to send him straight over the edge.

"Oh god," he moaned, pulling back and she smiled down at him.

"Where's he?" She whispered into his mouth, nearly serious.

"Yeah," he mumbled as he felt her hands tugging on the zipper of his jeans and he helped, sliding out of them and pulling her skirt off, tugged off her panties, ripping them off her body and then he was inside her, and she so hot, so ready for him. He slid into her warmth and felt her body respond. He watched as she threw her head back, closed her eyes and rode him. Her breath heavy. He gasped at the feel of her, how perfect she felt…

He pulled her closer.

"Look at me," he demanded and she did, opened her eyes, stared into his as he thrust himself deep inside her, "I want you to look at me…remember me…"

"D-don't talk like that, Jack," she managed to get out as her orgasm built from within her and he put his mouth to hers, sucked on her lower lip.

"I mean it, Kate," he told her.

She dug her nails into his back and gave a strangled cry as her orgasm hit her, and he followed soon after, coming with her, she collapsed against him, soaked in sweat. He didn't withdraw, just held her as she started sobbing against his shoulder.

He wrapped his arms tighter around her.

He felt close to crying himself, never had he felt like this…never.

He managed to swallow back the emotion that threatened to consume him.

"Hey, was I that bad?"

She managed a smile, pulled back and looked into his eyes, kissed him lightly on the lips.

"No, your weren't that bad…" she said, through her tears.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Juliet watched as they broke apart, her mouth set in a sharp grimace of pain as she reached over and shut off the monitor, darkening the screen. She had seen more then enough.

Enough to know that Ben's plan had been set into motion and from this point on there was no turning back…

It either worked or it didn't. She wasn't sure which filled her heart with more pain.


	10. Saving Souls

_Sorry for the delay in posting, the semester is getting down to the wire and I still have a ton of papers to write… anyway, hope you all like…please leave a review, they make me blissful with glee. _

Chapter 10

Saving Souls

Hearts break, hearts mend  
Love still hurts  
Visions clash, planes crash  
Still there's talk of  
Saving souls, still the cold  
Is closing in on us 

-Sarah McLachlan

"What is this place?" She whispered, with a shudder as she took in the cell in which they now laid in. Her eyes had drifted over to the chains on the walls, like old slave shackles.

Jack caught where her gaze had traveled and reached for her, pulled her back into his arms.

"Just a room," he told her, kissing the top of her head.

They had managed to untangle themselves from each others arms, long enough to put back on their clothes, once dressed, he had gathered her up in his arms and held her, pulling a filthy worn blanket over them both for the little warmth it provided.

She leaned her head against his chest and felt him rest his hands there, his fingers twirling the ends of her hair in a way she found relaxing.

She closed her eyes and snuggled closer to him, willing herself to block out everything but him. The knowledge that here, holding her was the one she loved. The man she needed. It was for her a revelation, the sheer knowing - that she at last could readily admit to herself that there was someone in this world that she needed.

They were quiet for a long moment, each busy with their own thoughts.

She started to doze off, and then it dawned on her as she drifted off, that he was crying softly as he held her.

She sat up quickly and reached for him. He seemed ashamed, holding a hand to his face, he turned away from her.

"Goddamn it!" He swore, slamming a fist down onto the hard tiled floor. The look of raw, frustrated pain etched deep into his handsome face, caused tears of her own to whelm up in the corners of her eyes. She reached for him again.

"Hey, it's okay…"

He turned back to her as she spoke and he shook his head, jaw clenched tight.

"It is…"

He grabbed her hands and held them, brought his eyes to her face.

"No," he said somewhat roughly, "it's not okay - it's as far from fucking okay…"

"Jack," she pleaded, not being able to stand the sight of his suffering. He was the strong one and here he was breaking apart right in front of her. She didn't know what to do. Knowing that words at this point were pointless things, what could she offer to him to ease the horror of their situation, the hopelessness of where they were and who kept them there.

"Goddamn Kate, I shouldn't - we shouldn't have…"

"Don't talk like that, don't you dare."

She hated to think he regretted what had just happened between them. There was no going back, what's done was done and she for one wouldn't have had it any other way. If this was their last day on earth, then all that mattered to her was that he was there with her.

After all she had done, she had never dreamed that she could ever begin to feel whole once more.

He grabbed her by the back of her neck and pulled her into a tight hug.

"It's all fucked," he muttered into her shoulder, " I love you and its all fucked."  
She pulled back slightly and searched the dark despair of his beautiful eyes.

She leaned over and placed her mouth to his, "If you lose hope so will I…"

He sat back, her face still cupped beneath the roughness of his palms. He took a deep breath, nodded.

"I know, I'm sorry - I don't regret it, I never will," he told her.

"Me too," she offered him the smallest of smiles.

"If we ever get out of this…"

"Don't - don't say if - its when, Jack - I love you."

He ran his hands lightly over her face, the tears in his eyes spilling down his face as he brought his lips to hers and kissed her, hungrily she pressed her own lips to his, deepening the kiss between them.

"Okay," he said, "when - when we get out of here, I promise - you and me."

She felt her heart swell at the sound of his words, the urgency behind them. The truth.

She pulled back, trailed a finger down his face.

"That sounded dangerously like a marriage proposal, Dr Sheppard."

He finally allowed a small grin of his own.

"It was, it is…I love you and I want you - not for now, not for tomorrow but for as long…as we have, you and me."

"Okay," she said, leaning towards him, hungry to feel his lips once more, "you and me," she said.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He woke to the sound of the door creaking open. He came to with a start as he sat up and took in the sight of Juliet entering, accompanied as usual with her two armed body guards.

Jack shook Kate awake, she grumbled something but opened her eyes, saw that they were not alone and quickly sat up with a start.

Jack felt her reach for his hand and he took it, squeezed it tight in his own. He faced their captors with a hard stare, noticing the dark purple bruise he had left on Juliet's lily white throat.

"You have to come with us, Kate," Juliet told her, her voice hoarse.

Kate clung to Jack and shook her head.

"No," she said, stubbornly.

Jack tightened his grip on her hand and gave Juliet a look that could have froze water.

"She's not going anywhere," he told her, allowing the heat of his anger to creep into his voice.

"Yes, she is," Juliet said and then she gestured to the two men, who stepped up and went to Kate, grabbed her roughly by the shoulder and pulled her up and out of Jack's arms, hauling her to her feet.

Jack scrambled up with them, his hand still locked in Kate's.

"No, goddamn you people…"

He tried to force her back and to him but they pulled her away and out of his reach. and started to shove her towards the door.

"No! Jack, don't let them…"

He heard Kate shout towards him, twisting her head back to look at him. Her eyes big with her fear, her panic.

He went after her but the older man turned on him suddenly with the butt of the gun and slammed it into the side of his left temple, causing him to hit the wall behind him and slide down it. He must have blacked out for when he came to, Kate and the men were gone. Juliet stood above him, her hand around her throat. Her expression pained.

"I'm sorry, Jack…"

He reached up, touched the raw, bleeding spot were he had been struck

"Why?" he started to ask as his eyesight blurred and another wave of blackness over took him, blotting out the sight of her troubled blue eyes.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had brought Sawyer back to the outdoor cell, he had started to ask questions but one glance at the pissed off, older man with the gun made him hesitant.

They threw him inside and locked him up.

No one would tell him where Kate was…no one would tell him a goddamn thing!

He kicked over the bucket left behind, full of now stagnant water and sent it crashing against the bars.

"Son of a bitch!"

"Your not going to accomplish anything with that," a woman's voice said.

He turned and found himself looking at a pretty young lady with beautiful full lips and a thick mane of dark hair.

Her grin was easy, almost as if she were amused by him.

He cocked his head to the side and took in her smile, felt angered by it.

"What would you know, kid?"

She stood, hand on hip, her smile broadened.

"Plenty, seeing how I actually live in this shit hole," she told him.

"Yeah, you live with these people?"

"Uh huh, my dad says…you guys are here to deliver us," she told him in a quick, almost excited rush of words.

He eyed her curiously.

"Deliver us from what?"

"Nothing…I should…"

There was panic now on her face, her smile slid off and a look of almost frightened terror overtook her.

She shook her head.

"It's nothing…"

She started to back up and away from him, ready to bolt.

"Hey wait! Don't run, what the hell are yammering about?"

He started towards her, gripping the bars between his hands.

"Never mind," she said quickly as she turned and hurried away from him, running as she did.

"Hey! Hey wait!" he called after her retreating figure but she had rounded the side of a building and disappeared from his view.

He stood back, shook his head.

_My dad says you guys are here to deliver us…_

What in the hell was that kid talking about? He felt a strange sense of unease but shook it off, after all it was just the mere ramblings of some smart mouth teenager. Why the hell was he letting her words affect him like this?

It didn't mean a goddamn thing.

"Deliver us," he murmured, "from what…"

_Evil_

He turned back towards the direction that that girl had run off to and felt a cold chill spread through him and settle in his gut.

"Oh what the fuck," he growled, kicking at the empty bucket again, trying to will away the cold fear that had come to replace his initial frustration.


	11. No Excuse

_So who else is completely psyched about the finale? Did anyone else catch the part of the trailer were Jack tells Kate he loves her. swoon I can't wait… any way, sorry for the delay in posting. I had a ton of school work to finish before the end of the semester…_

_Anyway, this chapter is pretty dark and the violence in it is not of the sort I would ever condone but I feel its necessary for this story…It's not super violent of anything but I don't like nor agree with the subject matter in general, okay enough rambling, I will let you get on with it, thanks again for reading…._

Chapter 11

No Excuse

This is not what I do  
It's the wrong kind of place  
To be thinking of you  
It's the wrong time  
For somebody new  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse

- Damien Rice 

She sat with her head cupped in her hands for hours now it seemed. Her eyes were gritty and sore from the time spent with them trained to a single, grainy image. That of a man sitting on the floor of a locked, windowless cell, sobbing into his hands.

His head bent, his shoulders trembling.

She could not bear it - this image of ultimate defeat and yet she could not bring herself to turn her gaze from it.

She was entranced, brought in and completely unraveled by the sight of him.

She reached with trembling fingers towards the screen and traced the outline of him, bowed her head and allowed her own tears to fall from her own eyes.

She felt the sobs whelm up in her own throat, stuck there and she tried to swallow them back but couldn't.

The rawness of his agony mirroring her own. She was drawn to him, drawn to his pain like someone who had been starving. It had been so long since she had witness such true emotion. He had made her feel, made her search herself in ways she found painful but there was release there. A sense that at long last, she knew who she had been fooling herself into being.

She had wanted so much. She had wanted so much more from her dreams then this, staring at the sight of his pain, so palpable and so real, she could not deny that at last she had become someone other then what she had always felt she was.

Someone who helped others, who was good.

She was no longer that woman. Her purpose was to serve someone else, someone who held her in the tight grip of their intricate web. It was a web of her own design. She knew now there is was no one to blame for her misery but herself.

She did not hear him come in, until he spoke and the sound of his voice did not cause her to jump as it normally would have but instead she felt her spine stiffen and her heart begin to beat wildly in her chest, not from fear but with anger, rage.

"Juliet," he said again.

She swung her chair around and faced him, brought her hand to her eyes and calmly wiped the tears from them.

"What is it?" Her voice was pure ice as he came slowly towards her, looming over; he reached down and ran a finger down her cheek. She shuddered as revulsion overcame her and she could not help but turn her eyes from his strong gaze.

"You think me a monster, don't you?"

She looked back at him.

She bit her lip and nodded.

"Then you no longer love me, Juliet?"  
"You never let me love you, Ben," she told him truthfully, and bowed her head and wiped away more tears from her eyes.

"Is that what you think?" He seemed almost surprised but her answer as she looked back at him and saw the smallest, faintest trace of sadness in his usually lifeless eyes.

"It is," she said quietly.

"Do you think that I don't know?" He asked, his voice hardening.

"What are you talking about?"

Her answer seem to enrage him, she watched it transform his face, hardening it. His eyes burning blue holes boring into her skull.

She found herself squirming uncomfortably in his hard gaze.

"Do you think I am blind, stupid?"

"I don't understand…"

He turned his back from her, his shoulders slumped, he sighed deeply, as if trying to calm himself.

She sat rooted to her seat, unable to move.

"What is it?"

"Don't!" He said turning back to her and she saw his eyes dance across the monitor behind her and then turn his hard stare back to her face.

She felt a cold stab of fear lace itself in her gut, she started to get out of her seat but the look on his face stopped her.

It was one of quiet, simmering rage.

"Your in love with him, aren't you?"

"I don't…"

He came over and grabbed her by the shoulders roughly, pushing her back down into her seat, his eyes boring into hers.

She gasped and tried to move but he was too strong, surprisingly so, she felt the tips of his fingers, burrow themselves in her soft flesh, instantly bruising her.

"You - your hurting me," she managed to gasp, gritting her teeth against the pain.

"I'll do more then that Juliet - if you even begin to think about betraying me for _him_."

"Please…" she pleaded, locking her eyes to his, tears of pain flowing down her cheeks.

"Why him? Why - I have never lied to you Juliet…never, after everything! Everything you still refuse to see!"

He was in rage, so furious he could not or did not choose to see the pain he was inflicting on her as she struggled to pull herself from his grip, her hands locked on his own.

His words, hot and ugly being shouted inches from her terrified, tear stained face.

"Why? What is about him? Tell me!"

"Stop it! Please…stop," she pleaded.

"Tell me!" He repeated, borrowing his fingers even deeper into her shoulders, until she could no longer contain the screams looming in her throat.

"Please… please," she pleaded.

"Tell me!"

"Ben, stop it…stop it!" she shouted at him.

"Tell me! Juliet so help me…"

"Because he - he knows how to love a woman!" She shouted, surprising the both of them. He released her, stumbled back and stood there, his eyes slowly filling with tears.

Tears that she had never in the five years they had been married seen him shed and just as quick as she had spied them, he blinked them away. His expression was hard as he stepped towards her again. She cowered in her seat.

"You just remember who it is you belong to, understand?" He told her, as he raised his hand and slapped her hard across the face, rocking her back in her seat.

She brought her hand to her face and looked at him with a fear that she had never felt herself capable of feeling towards him. He had never hurt her physically before and this side of him, seemed completely unreal. She felt herself unable to do anything but sit there and numbly nod her head.

"Answer me," he ordered. .

"Yes, Ben…I'm sorry," she told him weakly.

"I do love you, Juliet," he told her as he came towards, smoothed her hair back. She cringed from his touch, "but even so, I will kill you if you betray me."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the door opened, he did not look up. He felt as if all his strength had been drained from his body. So much so that he could not even bring himself to do such a simple thing as twist his head to see who it was entering the room.

The truth was that since they had taken Kate from him; he no longer cared.

He had failed the one person he had promised himself never to.

The person came closer and he could feel them, hunker down inches from him.

His nostrils stung with the scent of soap and chicken noodle soup, foreign smells replacing that of the musty air, he had been forced to breathe for far too many days to remember. He slowly turned his face and found Juliet looking at him with her curiously bright eyes. She placed a tray of food down between them and then stood and backed away from him slowly.

Her face looked older then he remembered it, lined with pain, a large hand print on her left cheek, ugly and bruised purple.

"Who hit you?" He asked.

She stiffened and nodded towards the tray.

"You need to eat," she told him, ignoring his question.

"I asked you a question," he said, his eyes fixed on hers, she was the first to look away.

"And I am not answering it," she told him.

"Ben hit you, didn't he?"

She didn't answer him but by the way her shoulders had stiffened, he could tell he had been right.

"So I guess we can add sadistic wife beater to his credit."

"You don't know anything about him," Juliet said carefully.

"He's a great man."

Jack scoffed at that and lowered his head to his knees, rested his head on them.

"Great by whose standards, yours?"

"Yes, amongst others…"

"You're a fool," Jack told her.

"Yes, yes I am," she said, "and so are you…"

"How do you figure?"  
She went to speak and then stopped herself.

"If you have something to say then say it!"

She tilted her head to one side, her hands twisting nervously in front of her. She took a deep breath and answered him.

"You played into his hands, Jack… like the puppet we all are - you allowed him to gain the upper hand and now, now you are lost…just like me, just like everyone else here."

Her words hit there mark, bring with a fresh look of surprise and pain to Jack's already weary face. She was instantly sorry for telling him anything. The less he knew the better he would be.

"What the hell does that mean?"

She backed slowly towards the door, her eyes searching the intense stare of his.

"I'm sorry, please…believe me, I never wanted to hurt you."

He stood and came towards her, saw the tears in her eyes, the look of pain on her face.

"It's bad isn't it?" He said carefully, not wanting to know but needing to.

She held up her hands as if to fend him off. She was shaking now, trembling.

He reached for her and she pulled from him, afraid.

"Hey, I'm not…I'm not going to hurt you," he told her as he pulled her into his arms and held her, felt her collapse against him and start to sob.

She clung to him, desperately so, her face pressed into the crux of his shoulder.

He rocked her back and forth gently while she cried.

"You said once you would help me, I remember you telling me…"

She pulled back and felt his lips graze the side of her face by accident, his moist breath.

The feel of him, his arms around her. She had never felt this way before and she didn't want it to end, she wanted to shut hers eyes and hold him, till nothing else mattered.

Yet, she couldn't - she couldn't allow herself to even begin, entertain any notion of the romantic not with someone who would never love her, whose heart belonged to a lovely young brunette with startling green eyes.

She pulled herself out his arms.

"I'm sorry I can't help you," she said quickly as she turned and hurried from the room.

"I can't even help myself," she added, as she allowed one more glance at him.

He did not try to follow after her. He just stared at her with those mesmerizing dark eyes of his as she shut and locked the door behind her.


	12. Wounded By Fear

_Okay. First off for the two of you who read this and leave me wonderful reviews. Thank you. You all are the greatest…it does suck a bit when something you put effort into gets all but ignored but whatever, I am loving this story…and that's all that matters. _

Chapter 12

Wounded By Fear

The glass is cut  
The bottle run dry  
Our love runs cold  
In the caverns of the night  
We're wounded by fear  
Injured in doubt  
I can lose myself  
You I can't live without

- U2

They had carried her limp and sobbing back to the room that she had been sharing with Sawyer, fresh fear and renewed heartache filled her as she realized that she was alone. He wasn't there. She had turned back to them to ask them where he had been taken but they were already leaving, the door being closed behind her, locking her in.

She sank down to her knees, strength having failed her as she lowered herself to the ground. Her hands clenched into fists, so tightly that her nails cut deep into the palms of her soft flesh, leaving behind bloody crescent moon shape marks on the pads of her hands.

She didn't feel it, she couldn't feel anything except icy numbness.

_This isn't happening… this is all a dream… it's a dream…that's all…. A nightmare. _

She sat like that for a long time. Her eyes crying for her as she sat and tried to pull together a sense of awareness, of strength from deep within her.

She stood slowly rising to her feet and wiping at her eyes, felt the tears flowing over her hands. She moved slowly on legs that felt like lead as she forced them to carry her across the room and to the bed.

She lowered herself down upon it, laid there, hearing nothing save her own shallow breathing.

Her body felt so heavy and her heart laid twisted and broken inside her body.

She wanted to close her eyes and drift off and perhaps then she could find some peace. There was so much she wanted to blot out, least of all what had happened to Jack. He had tried to stop them and they had hurt him, perhaps badly. There was nothing she could do now for either of them, except try and not to lose faith. To keep the memory of his words and his vow to her safe and still within her.

_You and Me… You and Me…_

She let those words echo over and over in her head, giving her strength. She couldn't lose him now not after everything, at last she had found the one person who knew her secrets and loved her anyway. Who always would…that thought was far to precious to give up on and though she wanted nothing more then to lose herself to the hysteria that threatened to overtake her, she willed it away.

She closed her eyes tightly and brought her hands up over her face, covering her eyes, she allowed a moan of low agony to escape her lips. She took a deep breath and imagined his face in front of her, the ways his hands had felt on her body.

_Please make it okay, please…God, please…._

Was it true? Possible that a mere night ago, this broken dead thing she knew as her body had been awakened by his touch, his caress.

She allowed the memory to come to her bringing with sharp new pain and bittersweet longing. Would she ever do any of that again with him? Somewhere else? Some place every bit as beautiful as the act itself had been?

"Oh god Jack," she whispered though dry, cracked lips. "Please, don't leave me alone here, please…"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Juliet stepped into the house and switched on a light by the door. She placed her sweater on the back of the living room chair as was her habit and made her way into the kitchen. Her step daughter Alex was sitting in there at the kitchen table, eating soup and paging through a book.

Alex looked up long enough to greet her.

"Hey Jules," she said casually, picking her book back up.

"Hey yourself," she said casually, as she took in what her step daughter was eating.

"Are you hungry?"

"Nah, I'm cool."

Juliet shook her head and ignored her. She needed to keep herself busy, to keep things normal and sane.

"I'll make you dinner," Juliet said easily as she went to the fridge and started pulling out stuff for make.

"Nah, I said I was cool, I wasn't all that hungry," Alex said, turning the page in her book.

Juliet sighed and started to put the things she had pulled out back in the fridge but stopped figuring she might as well, seeing that Ben would be hungry when he came home for the evening.

_Let the bastard make his own goddamn dinner…._

She paused for a moment, sighing as she stepped back from the fridge and wiped a lock of hair from her face.

"You alright?"

Juliet turned to her step daughter and instinctively raised her hand to her face, covering the swollen hand printed that decorated her cheek.

"Long day," Juliet said trying but failing to keep her voice light.

Alex was looking at her with concern.

"Holy shit, did one of - you know them, hit you?"

"Yeah," Juliet said quickly, "the woman."

"No shit, crazy…"

"Please watch it with the language Alex, your dad would have a fit."

Alex made a face, pushed her soup away and put her book down.

A worn tattered copy of Valley of the Dolls.

Juliet smiled at that, seeing how she had read the same trashy book about a million times during her teenage years. It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Whatever, I am going to go and see Karl for awhile."  
"You know how your Dad feels…"

"Aw, come on Jules, please…"

Juliet was in no mood to deal with a whiny teenager so she nodded her consent.

Truth was she wanted to be alone.

"Fine, go…"

"Cool, thanks…"

Juliet watched as her step daughter bounded from the room, a blaze of hyper energy and raging hormones.

She heard the door close moments later. Juliet went to the table and started clearing Alex's mess. She went to the sink and poured the leftover soup down the drain, ran the water.

Here she was a normal enough wife coming home from a rough day to clean up other peoples messes. She wanted to imagine, close her eyes and pretend that this was who she really was … a wife, a stepmother, a real person. Yet, she did not feel real. She felt as if she were half alive, living in a state of only half awareness. When was the last time that she had felt truly alive? She could no longer remember. It had been that long ago.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Jack had watched her go from the room and surprisingly enough the thought of following after her did not cross his mind until much later. When he had been sitting for the longest time, completely still.

In the midst of his thoughts, the whirlwind of emotion that filled him. He kept seeing those blue eyes of hers, of Juliet's. The way in which she had locked her gaze to his - the wealth of feeling, he was just beginning to decipher, understand.

Perhaps he had been blind? Perhaps he had not wanted to see what was so clearly written there, swimming just below the surface of her luminous blue eyes?

Desire.

It was a look he had seen in the eyes of countless women over the years. He was not a stranger to it. Women had looked at him like that for most of his life but not the way she had. She had not only merely wanted him but she had wanted him to save her, free her. She wanted him to protect her.

_She's Ben's wife … you can use that to your advantage…poetic justice…_

He shook his head at the sound of that; he wasn't the type of guy who used women especially women who looked as if they had spent the last several years being wrung through the grinder by their abusive husbands.

_She isn't your friend… she's one of them…play them both at their own game…_

He wasn't sure what he should do. He had seen that look in her eyes and understood what was behind it but would that be the right thing for him to do. To take this woman who seemed almost too fragile to begin with and twist her already delicate emotions to suit himself.

To use her to help him in getting Kate as far away from these people as he could. To keep the one thing that mattered to him safe.

_If Kate found out… she would never forgive you… she would never…_

He willed away the small voice that pleaded with him to reconsider, shook his head and sent it away.

He had to stay strong, the nice guy routine had only gotten him hurt more often then not over the course of his life. Here, in this place, this time there was no place for the good guy Jack. The man he had to be now would have no use for sentiment, for what was wrong and right. It didn't matter as long as he had a chance just one, to save Kate…to get her free. He would do anything for that chance - he would die for it, all he had to do was seduce someone, someone willing. He would do what he had to do.

_Do it for Kate, she is all that matters - if there is even a chance, just one - it will be worth it…_

He sighed, lowering his head down towards his lap. He had made his decision now all he had to do was see it through and hope that he could live with himself afterwards.

--------------------------------------

Juliet laid in the bathtub, her head thrown back against the tile and a cool cloth against her forehead. Her eyes closed, she had started to drift off, worn out by the events of the day and the feel of the hot, soapy bubbles that surrounded her.

There was a knock on the door, her eyes fluttered open, startled she knocked the wash cloth off and into the tub.

"Jules…"

It was Ben.

She sat up with a start, splashing water onto the floor.

"Yes," she called.

"I'm coming in," he said as he opened the closed door and stuck his head in.

"Hello," he said hesitantly.

"Hey," she said, sinking down lower into the hot suds. She eyed him wearily and he noticed.

He sighed and went and sat next to her by the side of the tub.

He watched her cower from him, his eyes drifted towards the bruises on her cream colored shoulders, her face.

He reached and touched her skin, and she let him, watching as he looked at her with a mask devoid of all emotion.

He pulled his hand from her and looked up, met her eyes.

"I am sorry that I hurt you," he said.

She didn't reply. She simply twisted her head from his, focused her gaze on the wall. Her eyes already tearing up, misting with tears she had spent all day crying on and off.

"I lost control."

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and put her hand to her mouth, stifled back a sob.

"You think I never loved you and your wrong, I did…I do."

She turned her face to his slowly and looked for some trace of truth there, sentiment and found his face immobile. He might have as well have been reciting something he had rehearsed.

"You've never loved me," she said, spitting out the words.

"You have lied to me from the beginning and you are still lying…"

She watched anger color his face again and stopped herself for she did not want to farther antagonize him.

The pain he had inflicted on her earlier was still too fresh in her mind.

He stood and stared down at her, shook his head, breathing hard.

"I have never lied to you, ever…but you, you can stop lying to yourself…about Jack," he leaned down and all but laughed in her face.

His eyes bright with his amusement and she moved back from him, as far back as she could in that tub. She felt so small and vulnerable, nothing between him and her naked flesh but some bubbles.

"He doesn't care for you…why should he? He has the love of a woman whose nearly fifteen years younger then you are…why would he want you anyway…in fact, no man has ever wanted you…isn't that right Juliet? Except me…"

"You bastard…" She managed to get out, his words hurting her more then she wanted to let him see.

Everything he said was true and she knew it but the truth did not make the ugliness of his words any easier to take.

"I am a bastard," he said calmly, going to the door.

"And you would be wise to remember that fact the next time you think about doing anything foolish," he warned as he left the room, slamming the door hard behind him.


	13. Miles From Where You Are

_Sorry for the delay. I have been busy with other stuff and that is why I haven't updated as frequently as I would have liked… anyway, enjoy and thanks for reading. _

Chapter 13

Miles From Where You Are 

Their words mostly noises  
Ghosts with just voices  
Your words in my memory  
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,  
I lay down on the cold ground  
I pray that something picks me up  
And sets me down in your warm arms  
- Snow Patrol

Ben had left the house, raging with anger. His thoughts a tangle cloud of misgivings and thoughts.

_Am I being tested? _He wondered.

_What do I have left to prove…._

He bounded down the front steps of his porch and turned to the man standing outside his home, carrying a high powered assault rifle.

"Give me the rifle, Tom," he said anxiously to the large, florid faced man standing in front of him.

"Something the matter, Ben?"

"Just hand it over," he said, hand out stretched.

Tom nodded and did what the boss asked; he slid the rifle off his shoulder and handed it to Ben.

"Are you going to need some help or something?" Tom asked carefully as he observed the wild, mad glint in Ben's eye that always made him uneasy.

"Just make sure my wife stays inside this house, understood?"

Ben said urgently as he slid the rifle around his shoulder and started off.

Tom nodded, "You got it," he said as he watched Ben hurry off.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Juliet had all but leapt from the tub in a panic, she reached for a towel and draped it over her nude form, dripping wet she raced after Ben and towards the front door.

Something in her gut told her something was wrong and horribly so…

She couldn't articulate it but it as there and she was frightened.

Stopped herself at the door as she caught the tale end of Ben's conversation with Tom.

"Just make sure my wife stays inside this house…"

The words made her uneasiness spread. Did Ben really think that if she wanted to leave she wouldn't? She raced to the bedroom and threw open the drawer of her dresser and yanked the first things her hands landed on, out of it. She threw them on, stumbling she dashed towards the back porch, just in time to see Tom round the corner of the house. She opened the back door and ran as fast as she could in the opposite direction of which Tom had gone.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He must have finally dozed off for it was the sound of commotion that woke him from his uneasy dreams, the sounds of arguing outside the hard metal door of his cell. He sat up with a start as he watched the shadows move under the door, more yelling but he couldn't make any specific words. He started to climb to his feet when the door opened and Ben came in to the room with a frantic Juliet standing beside him, clutching his arm and trying to pull him back. She looked as if she had just gotten out of the shower. Her hair, hung in damp clumps around her shoulders, the clothes she wore, sweatpants and a ripped tank top seemed strange on her, and it also made her looking strangely enough like a teenager or a little kid.

"Stop it," she was muttering, still pulling on his arm.

Ben turned on her and shoved her back, she nearly fell, skidding backwards and against the wall.

"You son of a bitch," Jack snarled as he charged upon Ben, who quicker then Jack could have anticipated, trained a high powered rifle directly at him.

"Careful," Ben said and he smiled. The smile made him look crazed and out of control. His eyes impossibly big and bright even in the poorly lit room of which they all stood. Jack quickly put his hands up and backed up slowly.

"Are you here to kill me, is that it?" Jack asked, as his eyes turned to take in Juliet who was climbing unsteadily to her feet.

"If I had wanted you dead, Jack – you would be," Ben said easily enough, as he reached into his pocket and pulled a blind fold from it.

He tossed it to Jack, who caught it easily enough. Jack looked at it and then looked back at Ben, squeezed his fingers tight around the material. His shoulders squared as he eyed Ben with a defiant look in his eyes.

"No," he whispered, shaking his head.

"What did you say?" Ben asked him, an edge of anger creeping into his voice.

"I said, NO!" Jack shouted at him, flinging the blindfold in Ben's face.

"Jack…"

This was from Juliet.

Jack turned to her and found her standing off to the side, clutching her self, her eyes big and sad, she seemed to be pleading with him silently to reconsider.

"Shut up, Juliet," Ben growled through clenched teeth. He used the rifle to gesture to the blind fold on the ground.

"Pick it up or I will shoot you," Ben said and he looked almost sick to his stomach, when Jack laughed in his face.

"So do it already."

"Jack…he will…"

Juliet took a step towards them. Her lips trembling as she reached for her husband and tried to take his arm.

"Get away from me!" Ben said, whirling on his wife, who shrank back from him. Jack took the opportunity while Ben's back was turned to try and creep up behind him and get the rifle from him but Ben was too quick, he spun around quickly and plowed the butt of the weapon into the bridge of Jack's nose, shattering it. Jack gave a strangled cry as white hot agony gripped him; he stumbled backwards and collapsed to the ground. He could see nothing but blood, a fountain of it, hot red agony of which he could taste as it spilled down his face, his fingers and onto his lips.

"You broke his nose," Juliet whispered in stunned, near hysteria as she hurried to Jack's side and tried to use her tank top to stop some of the blood. There was so much of it, frantically she tried to steady Jack who was trying to stand, her hand gripping his bicep tightly.

"Breathe, Jack…"

Jack choked back a scream as he felt her fingers touch the sensitive skin were he was injured, he literally felt as if he were inhaling the broken shards of his nose.

"I have to set it," she told him regretfully as she turned the blaze of her eyes towards her husband.

"Not yet," Ben said as he stepped towards them.

"He's in pain…"

Juliet told him, pleading with him.

"Good," Ben said as he observed the sight of Jack on the ground, head thrown back and trying desperately to grit his teeth against the assault of pain that consumed him.

"Put the blindfold on him," Ben ordered, throwing a scathing look at his wife, sitting there beside Sheppard trying to stop the angry flow of blood that flowed from his injured nose.

"Go to hell…"

"Now," Ben told her. His tone making it quite clear that he wasn't about to heed her pleas in the slightest.

She felt sick to her stomach knowing that this was her fault that if she hadn't provoked Ben, if she hadn't let Jack in close enough to hurt her, to let her care for him. She wouldn't be in this position. She would have still been numb and unwillingly aware of just who it was she had allowed her self to marry and become chained to.

She reached for the blindfold and placed it carefully around Jack's eyes but he tore it from her out stretched hand.

There eyes met for a second, one glance but it was enough to cause the tears she had up until then held in check to start to flow.

"Don't…"

Juliet closed her eyes and the tears spilled as she heard his one weak, whispered plea.

Ben released the safety on the trigger.

"Let her Jack or I will shoot you in the foot, understood?"

"Fuck you," Jack managed to whisper in defiance of this crazed lunatic.

"Fine Jack, I expected you to be stubborn, in fact, I planned for it but this - downright hostility, well I guess you leave me no choice, do it now or I will kill Kate."

Jack felt the icy stab of fear in his heart at those words. He may have no longer cared to fear Ben but he would always care about Kate. The thought of this monster anywhere near her was enough to set his blood boiling. He tried to stand, gripping the wall for support as he made the slow climb but Juliet made him lay back down.

"Don't - you bastard, don't you touch her!"

"Then just put the blindfold on Jack."

Juliet tried again and he caught both her eye and her wrist as she placed the blindfold over his face, secured it.

"You won't get away with this, "Jack warned as Julie helped him to his feet and led him past Ben and out of the room.

"I already have," Ben said coolly from behind them.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Juliet could do nothing but lead Jack by the shoulders through the dark paths leading them towards the jungle. Her crazed husband behind them, holding a gun to their backs.

"Please Ben…" She pleaded yet again for the millionth time but he was ignoring her as he frog marched them through the dense foliage, nothing to light their way but the moon overhead.

They walked until they reached the gate, the large sonic field that kept that _thing_ out of their compound.

"Key in the numbers," Ben ordered her.

"What?"

She turned, shock on her face.

"Do it!"

She went over to the key pad and punched in the code which deactivated the fence.

"Let's go," Ben said as he shoved Jack towards the jungle.

Juliet started walking, terror filling her with every step. She had never been out here before and especially at night and from the things she had heard over the years it didn't seem as if she would want to be either. Yet, Ben seemed crazy enough to kill them both so she started walking, pulling Jack along by his arm.

They walked for a good half mile and when Ben stopped them.

"Tie him up," he said as he pointed the gun at his wife.

"No, you can't - you can't leave him out here Ben with that thing…"

She could hear the hysteria as it started creeping into her voice but couldn't will it away.

She could feel Jack go rigid with fear as he took in the news of his fate.

"Goddamn Juliet!, now…"

She took the rope from Ben and directed Jack to the nearest tree, she lowered him down to the damp grass and set about tying him up, good and tight knowing Ben would check.

She had tears in her eyes as she set about her work.  
"I'm so sorry, Jack," She whispered to him.

Ben overheard.

"Isn't that cute, Jack…my wife here seems to have developed a little crush on you."

"You're a bastard," she said turning to him.

"You hear that Jack…I am a bastard so that must make you the hero in all this, right?"  
Jack didn't answer, he just sat rock still, the pain he was under was excruciating but the fear in his heart more then took care of it.

He felt like a little kid, left alone in the dark to wait for the monsters, except this time there was a good chance that the monsters were real and they were coming for him.

Still, he would not beg or cry or plead with this madman who held him at his mercy.

_Just keep breathing_, he told himself, _just keeping breathing and you'll be fine._

"This is the only way, Jack…I need you to see, understand - I have to kill you to set you free."

Jack tried to struggle from the restraints but couldn't move, everything was dark and he was in pain and Ben was leaving him out here to die.

"This will help with the pain," He heard Ben say over the sound of Juliet weeping by his side.

Then there was the slight prick of a needle sliding into his arm and before he could jerk his arm away, blackness overtook him and he remembered no more.

_Okay, I know there wasn't much explanation as to how Juliet followed Ben to Jack's cell or of the argument they had once he found out she followed him. I will incorporate that into the next chapter or so because it does have significance. Anyway, thanks again for reading. _


	14. The Pupil in Denial

Chapter 14

The Pupil in Denial

And so it is  
The colder water  
The blower's daughter  
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you 

- Damien Rice

"Jack."

His eyes snapped open at the sound of her voice, his vision blurred and his body feeling as if he had been submerged in water, moved as if caught in slow motion.

"Kate?"

His eyes straining against the darkness that surrounded him, trying to fix his blurred vision on the source of the voice. He felt disoriented and unsure as to where he was, slowly it was began to dawn on him that he was tied to a tree in the middle of the jungle.

He struggled against his restraints, feeling the roughness of the rope that bound his wrists, felt it rub into his skin painfully.

"Jack."

His head turned towards the sound of his name and coldness filled him as he realized that he was not imagining her voice, he had heard it, heard _her_ and the thought of it sent his pulse raising with panic.

In the gloom of darkness, he watched as Kate stepped out of the denseness of the jungle.

She was dressed in a pretty blue sundress, her hair hung in tangled curls across her tanned, bare shoulders.

She looked so clean and fresh as if she had just come from a summer picnic, her feet bare and noiseless as she stepped towards him.

"Kate?"

His voice came out weak, a ghost of its self.

He shook his head as if trying to clear her image from his mind, he blinked and she was still there.

Her expression, the same concerned one she usually wore when something was bothering her. He watched as she chewed her lower lip as if trying to come up with the right thing to say to him.

"Jack," she whispered as she came closer and knelt down beside him.

"How did, how are you here?"

"Does it matter?"

"Untie me, Kate."

She shook her head and locked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear in a all too familiar gesture of hers, her green eyes impossibly bright and sad in the moonlight.

"I can't do that," she told him.

"You - your not real," he told her, suddenly fully aware that this was the mere ghost of the woman he loved. A figment of whatever drugs they had injected him with - that coupled with a combination of fear and adrenaline.

This was a mere mirage of his Kate and the realization of that flooded him with fear.

He couldn't bear to look at her, she seemed so real and so beautiful that he could feel his hands struggling once more against his binds, betraying him with the need to touch her, to feel her under his skin.

"Of course I am," she said as she placed her soft hands on his face.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment and savored the feel of her touch, the smell of her shampoo as she leaned forward and placed a light kiss on his lips.

"You - you can't be here," he insisted, tears stinging his eyes as he tasted her lips and was suddenly flooded with the memory of making love to her.

"I am - you have to listen, Jack…you don't understand how important you are, how needed…"

Her voice was a sweet, comforting whisper as her hands gently stroked his battered face, ran cool palms across his chest.

He couldn't bear it, to have her touch him.

"Stop it! Your not Kate," he told his vision roughly.

He watched her face crumble with disappointment and her eyes fill with tears as her hands slid away from him.

She climbed to her feet and stared down at him.

"Jack…"

"You're a product of the drugs and this place and everything I've gone through - catching up to me but you are not her, your not!"  
He watched as she bowed her head sadly and when she looked up, her eyes glistened with even more tears.

He watched them drip down her face, bright like cut diamonds.

"Why do you not believe Jack, haven't you always known who it is you are?"

Her words stung. He turned his head away, not wanting to hear her voice, hear her words.

The truths he knew all to well in the farther recesses of his brain and heart. Things he had fought his whole life against, had spent a lifetime running from.

"I am not anybody, I am just me - I am not - not…"

His words failed him as he felt sobs begin to choke him, strangle him with their intensity.

"Anything…please."

His voice broke at the last word, he bent his head and started to sob.

"I don't know what you want from me - please…"

"I want you to understand your purpose in this life."

He looked up and watched as she folded her arms around her slender waist, her face pleading and desperate. He watched as one by one the tears dripped down her luminous face, that face of hers, there had never been any other more perfect. She was so beautiful that it hurt him to look at her.

"My purpose, I have - none now except you, always you."

There it was the truth and even if it wasn't really Kate, he was glad to have said it, made it real.

He had nothing left except her and keeping her alive and safe was all that mattered. He would be damned if he would let the fear take him so easily.

He clung to her, to the image of her somewhere else, somewhere safe to keep his courage, to keep from succumbing to the awesome fear that filled him.

"Jack…you have to trust me, do what ever Ben says.."

Her voice creeping towards hysteria as she started towards him again.

"Stop it!" He shouted at her, this ghost of the woman he loved, this apparition.

"Don't - tell me what I should do!"

He closed his eyes and threw his head back against the tree of which he was tied to, wrung and drained.

"I always knew you were weak Jack but I never had you pegged for pathetic."

His eyes snapped open and he saw that Kate was now his father standing there in the suit he had been wearing to his own funeral. His face was one full of all too familiar disappointment as Jack met his eyes.

"No, not you too," he whispered, as he choked back another painful sob.

"Grow up, Jack…" His father said in his usual condescending tone.

"Dad?"

"Look at you - tied to a tree, crying - I had big dreams for you Jack, you were suppose to be a better man then me and look at you, save her - you can't even save yourself," his father spat out, his voice cold and harsh.

"You don't know - you never knew me, never wanted to," Jack shouted back at his father.

"I always knew who you were Jack and you frightened me, frightened your mother - even Sarah, except she didn't know the real truth - your not meant to live amongst others, being one of the them, your different Jack."

"No - please…just…"

"Just nothing, face it Jack - face it, your something else, someone else, all you need to do is stop running from it, it's too late - there's nowhere else to run."

Jack watched as his father came towards him and bent down to his eye level, locked eyes with Jack who sat before him, weak, beaten, and trembling with both slow realization and cold fear.

"Face it son," his father said with a small smile, "your home."

------------------------------------------------------------

For the first time in over two years, Ben had insisted in sharing a bed with her.

It was on the night in which she wanted nothing more then to have him as far from her as possible, not bearing even for a moment the feel of him anywhere near her.

If she had feared him before, questioned his sanity and wondered just what kind of a man he was, she knew now and the thought of what he had just done and had forced her to comply with, ate her like some twisted virus from the inside out.

This was all her fault, she was well aware. It was because of Ben's jealously that Jack was out there now, tied to a tree in the middle of the jungle, and in pain.

She wished now she had not followed him, knowing that by doing so she had made things worse.

Ben had led her back to the house by the arm, dragging her roughly not minding the fact that her feet were bare as she stumbled over rocks and twigs, cutting her feet.

She had sobbed all the way back no longer caring if he knew now the extent of her emotion, her feelings for Jack.

She was overcome with this feeling of need for the man they had left behind in the jungle, to go back and save him from whatever twisted fate Ben had in store for him.

"You've have become little more then a disappointment, Juliet," Ben told her roughly as he dragged her on.

"I have it in mind to lock you in the same cell with the rest of them."

"You explain that one to the daughter I helped you raise," she told him and he had turned and shaking her roughly by the arm, bore his eyes into hers with an intensity she had to turn from.

"My daughter, remember that…and you have nothing to say about her or to her."

"I am practically her mother, Ben," she said quickly.

"You're no one's mother…and you never will be!"

She had to step back, the awfulness of those words cut far deeper then anything previous he had said, he might as well had slapped her, she recoiled as if he had.

"I can't help that," she said, her voice a whisper.

"He can," Ben said, his eyes on hers, "So you see now why I am doing what I am doing?"

She shook her head and stared at him dumbly with wide, hurt eyes.

He stepped closer to her and took her face in his hands, felt her stiffen under his touch.

"He can fix it, save us from extinction, he has to - but, only when he let's go of his fear, only then…"

"So, that's why - you - you had him and her -"

She pulled from his hands and stared at him.

"I thought as much but - your talking crazy, Ben - do you hear yourself?"  
"I tried science, I tried bringing you here but what we need now are miracles and the island has brought us that…don't you see, he is here to test me as much as I am here to test him, Juliet."

"I don't - I, your crazy!"

"No," he said simply as if addressing a small child, "I am far from it and if he wants to keep her safe, he will believe and he will save her, himself and the rest of us and in that moment, my purpose will have been served, I will have done what Jacob has asked of me."

"To let an innocent woman die!"  
"She is not innocent and yes, yes - I would let her die if need be but by her living, by Jack doing what is in him to do, he will have done the impossible which he has already done once before…"

"His wife?"

"Yes," Ben said and he smiled, as he saw recognition in his wife's face, "medical science does not have a name for everything - and that is where fate steps in."

Ben turned and started to pull her back with him towards the compound but she dug her heels in and pulled her arm from his.

He turned back and looked her.

"You act as if he were Jesus," she said, her voice a trembling whisper as she slowly digested the full scope of Ben's plan.

"No, he isn't that," Ben said, "But, he is our savior."

_Starting to see the bigger picture? I will go into more detail in the next few chapters. Yes, Jack is special but how far is Ben really willing to go to make him see that? Also, more Kate in the next chapter and of course, Sawyer who still has a purpose in all this. I promise. Anyway, as always reviews are welcomed and thank you for reading. _


	15. The Message

Chapter 15

The Message

An angel whispers my name,  
but the message relayed is the same:  
"Wait till tomorrow,  
you'll be fine."  
But it's gone to the dogs in my mind.  
I always hear them  
when the dead of night  
comes calling to save me from this fight.  
But they can never wrong this right.

- The Killers

_This chapter is rather sad and dreary as things have not been exactly pleasant for Kate and Sawyer and as we know Jack hasn't had it so great either…things are starting to come to a head as now all three are being worn down and broken bit by bit…but, there is some good news, kind of. Sorry for the long delay, my muse was being cranky…_

In the weeks since they had been separated, Kate had found herself subject to a series of medical tests. They poked, prodded, and studied her until her existence began to feel like that of a lab rat.

Even more disturbing to her beaten down and nearly broken psyche was the slow and horrible realization that she no longer cared.

She walked through the world now, clouded by the drugs they fed her and filled with so much sorrow and pain, that she was surprised she could still breathe.

All hope felt lost to her, because he was not with her. They had left her alone with her 'what if's' and the shards of her wishful dreams. The days passing in mind numbing hazes from which she could barely remember. All that was left to her was the imprint, the image of the one thing that still mattered. A love, now torn apart inside her - barely sustained with the faintest of hope. His face, his touch, his taste - needling her and getting inside the parts of her still clinging stubbornly to a 'happily ever after.' One that she felt now would never be hers to have.

_Jack._

Was he alive? No one would tell her and as for Sawyer, they had allowed her only one brief visit when she had been coming out of another all too frequent drug induced sleep.

He had been standing over her. His smile for her not quite reaching his eyes; his expression clouded and dark.

In mere weeks, he had been aged immeasurably. He no longer seemed like the Sawyer she knew but terribly old now and broken. His body slightly stooped as if he were in pain.

Yet, he was there in front of her, flesh and blood and she was grateful.

"Hey there Freckles," he said.

"Sawyer?"

"Yeah, it's me, beautiful…what they do to you?"

"I don't know," she said, sitting up and groaning.

As he tried to ease her back down on the bed, she noticed his hands were rough and bruised as if he had been doing hard labor, the nails broken and chipped and covered with dirt and grime.

"Take it easy there," he urged.

She looked up at him with painfully sad eyes and his already wasted heart broke a little more.

He wanted to say something to take away the sting of what had happened, what there existence had been reduced to. Yet, he found no words - he who had once had a thing to say about everything, could not find it within himself to feed her even the smallest bit of hope.

How broken and fragile she seemed. This strong and determined woman he once knew and yet, she was never more beautiful. Her beauty still had the same old heart sick effect on him. The pain and the awfulness of his weeks spent in this hell had not quelled his desire for her but had instead fed its flames and made it burn all the more hotter.

A sharp pain in her abdomen made her gasp, she lifted the sheet off herself and found a large bandage over the right side of her stomach. It was stained with blood.

She turned horrified eyes to his and saw his own echoing her same expression of fright.

"Oh my god!"

"You hurt Freckles, you okay?"

His voice a broken and cracked whisper and she shook her head, eyes bright with unshed tears, ones she could no longer hold back.

"No," she told him, her voice, a drawn out cry of agony. Her body starting to shake as sobs filled her, desperate to break free and out of her.

"No, I'm not - I'm not okay," she wailed.  
He went to her and held her, rocked her back and forth as the sobs tore out of her and she let go and cried out her anguish.

"I don't know where he is, I don't know anything!"

"Jack?"

His voice came out a thin tremble and he smoothed her hair back and made her look at him.

"They won't tell me anything."

"That don't mean nothing…"

"What if…he…"

"He isn't," Sawyer said, somewhat roughly, "he's fine and he's going be with you soon."

"What bout' you?"

"What bout' me?"

"What did they do to you?" she asked, suddenly aware that something was wrong with Sawyer as well, he seemed a hollow shell of the once strong, cocksure man she knew and cared for.

"Me, they got me hauling rocks…I don't know what they want with me."

"Do you think they'll let you stay with me?"

The need to have her loneliness eased by the familiar made her weak with her desperation.

She couldn't bear it any longer - these days of no answers and medical exams and being force fed drugs to keep her weak and compliant.

She needed him, needing to see and be with someone who had once represented to her something safe, normal.

"I don't know," he said, "I wish I could, I missed you."

"I missed you," she admitted as she curled herself into his strong arms, laid her head against his chest, solid muscle and for a moment felt safe and cared for.

"You'll be okay, Freckles," he said.

She squeezed her eyes shut and closed her eyes tighter.

"No, it's too late now, too late now for it to ever be okay again."

-------------------------------------

In the end, they had come for him to and had taken him away from her and she was alone.

Alone, with that blonde woman, Juliet who had come and stood next to the bed.

Her eyes were sad as she told Kate that she had something important to tell her.

Kate's already broken heart had sunk then as she imagined, thought that this horrible woman had come to tell her that _her_ Jack, the love of her life was dead, she readied herself for it.

Could actually envision herself hearing the news and springing up and at this woman like an enraged alley cat, choking and clawing and beating her until they came in and put a blissful, wanted bullet in heart.

There would be no living now without him. There would be no hope.

"You're pregnant," Juliet said softly.

Kate had not suspected this, her body responded with a deep shudder as she searched this woman's eyes for truth, proof that this was no joke, no trick.

"What?"

She had managed to choke out.

"You're having a baby, Kate…"

"I don't…"

"It's Jack's…you're going to his child Kate but…"

"How would you…?"

"It doesn't matter how we know - you're having his baby."

Kate closed her eyes briefly, digesting the news slowly.

It filled her with a mixed bag of emotion - terror, elation, pain, want.

"Jack, does he know, where is he?"  
"He's alive, that's all I can tell you."

The news did little to assuage her feelings or soothe the hysteria that filled her now with a black cloud of despair.

"That's all you can tell me!"

The fury, the pain of it all sent her into a rage, making her eyes bright with it.

"Does he know?"

"No, he doesn't - not yet."

"Why?"

"Because…"

There it was again, this never ending cryptic game of twenty questions. She was getting tired of it all, of there games and yet, there was brief surge of joy as she instinctively put her hand to her still flat stomach and imagined that inside her was a baby. The proof that she had once made love to him, had him and now she would bear his child.

It was the first bit of hope she had had in a long while and she smiled then, a soft smile, that quickly became replaced again by the never ending fear that gnawed at her.

"Is that why? All these tests…are you going to do something to our baby?"

The woman looked away, distressed and this sent another stab of icy fear to her heart.

She was instantly on her feet.

"Goddamn it! Tell me!"

"You better calm down Kate, right _now_ - before they come in and hurt you."

Kate paused and took a step back from her.

"I want to know why the tests, why am I here?"

"You are here because he loves you more then he loves his own life."

She paused for a moment

"Kate, don't you understand?"

"It's him- you want isn't it?"

"Yes, in a sense - Kate, please sit down."

Kate eyed her wearily but sat back down on the bed, her eyes still bright with anger, hostility coiled and simmering beneath the surface.

"Thank you," Juliet said and then went on, "You see Jack is special, very much so but he is strong willed - much like you and the truth is without you, we have nothing of which to make him cooperate with us."

"And Sawyer?"

"For you to cooperate, understand?"  
"You people are sick!"

"No, Kate - just," she paused again, as if trying to find the right words, "desperate," she finished.

Juliet turned and started to leave.

"Wait! Please…let me see him, let me tell him about the baby."  
Juliet turned and spoke to her over her shoulder and he voice was sad, tinged with a remorse even Kate was able to sense.

"What good would any of that do?" She answered.  
"Please, I need to see him."  
Juliet did not heed her, she left and locked Kate back in with only her thoughts for company.

Kate looked to the door and then down at her hands, saw them shaking with anger and fear and sadness so deep that it had cut a hole in her heart.

Those trembling hands went to her stomach and placed themselves there. She closed her eyes and whispered a hurried prayer that both she and Jack would find a way through this dark maze their lives had become for the sake of the still, small life that had begun to grow inside her.

The proof, the offering of all their dreams, the shared sense of love they had pledged. It was the one and only tie that bound the man she loved and who loved her together for all of eternity.

Their baby, their _child_ - growing inside her now was her redemption. A touchstone of normality in a sea of raging chaos.

It was their love, their desire, and their bond made clear - made _alive_.

She knew then and there, that she would not give up - she would stand straight, proud and she would fight for what she wanted and that was him and their baby and a crazy one shot chance at true happiness.


	16. This Darkness

_Authors Note: I am so sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Life has been crazy and hectic but things are a bit calmer now so expect regular postings. Also, this chapter is more or less an interlude of sorts since from this point on things are going to get even darker then they have been…That showdown between Jack and Sawyer that I have had planned since the beginning will be coming up within the next two chapters. Believe me, its not going to be pretty - something bad will happen. All with a pregnant and vulnerable Kate caught in the middle. Anyway, enough rambling - thank you for reading, enjoy!_

Chapter 16

This Darkness

The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned  
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

And I don't know where to look  
My words just break and melt  
Please just save me from this darkness

- Snow Patrol

He had once had someone tell him that if you kept your mouth shut and listened, you could learn a lot more.

Sawyer who had once had something to say about everything had never put much stock in that kind of advice. Yet, now with nothing but time on his hands to do just that. He listened and he listened good.

It seemed that the girl – the one with the sultry lips and long brown hair, the pretty one who looked young enough to be jailbait, liked to talk and she wasn't quiet about it either.

He saw her a lot when he was working, lugging rocks and what not – he worked with a couple of other guys except they saved most of the truly back breaking work for him, the prisoner.

Yeah, they were a motley crew of guys, real he-man types except one - a dorky kid by the name of Karl.

Karl seemed to have a little something going on with that flapper jawed cutie pie because she was always coming by while he was working to bring him water or fruit or just to steal off with him into the bushes for a bit when the kid could catch a ten minute break. Once or twice, Sawyer was able to catch her eye, willing her to come and talk to him but she would always look away from him as if he scared her. Her eyes never quite meeting his own when she would look in his direction.

He remembered her words, the chill of them.

"_My father says you are here to deliver us." _

It was hot day, it always was – the sun was a brutal fireball and by the time the morning was barely finished out. His body was coated in a thick film of sweat and his back ached from lugging those goddamn rocks to and fro.

The other men had gotten lazy and had started to find trees to lie under, snooze a little. Somebody started a game of poker and after awhile, the girl – he found out her name was Alex and the head honcho's daughter too boot, came to collect her boyfriend for a "walk." Karl got up from his card game and took his girl's hand and they made off into the jungle. The men chided amongst themselves once the young couple was out of ear shot, once they were the men got a little crude about discussing what they found "hot" about a girl barely sixteen.

Sawyer kept working and if his legs weren't shackled, he might have considered running but then again, where would he go? Or better yet where the hell would he go without Kate? There was no way in hell that he was going to leave her behind, _uh huh_.

It would be with her or not at all. Just because she was Jack's girl now didn't change the way he felt about her one bit.

He loved her, he knew that now and getting her safe and out of here was all he thought about these days. If not for her, he would have chanced an escape by now.

As for Jack, well – he worried about him, sure. Yet, for whatever reason they had wanted the doc it wasn't to break rocks, so he figured he must be doing a hell of a lot better then he was at the moment.

_Christ! _

That damn sun was murder. He raised an arm and wiped the sweat from his brow, felt it drip down into his eyes.

He allowed himself a moment to rest, seeing how the rest of the guys were whooping and hollering amongst themselves as they got into their card game.

Then he heard voices and cocking his head towards it, off in the trees somewhere. He realized it was Alex and Karl.

He heard them talking a lot but rather then their usual – hurried smooches and "my dad is being so unfair…" conversations.

He heard something different in tone is their voices, something more hurried, more frantic.

They were too far away for him to hear them clearly and he tilted his head towards the sound as they came closer to him and he was able to pick out snatches of their conversation.

Then he heard it.

It was one sentence but it was enough to suddenly make him go numbingly cold even with the weight of a fiery sun burning a hole into his back.

"He woke up, and I heard Juliet tell my Dad that he's ready to help us now."

Sawyer swallowed thickly at those words and gave a quick glance over to the men but they weren't watching him. Still, he wasn't about to start rousing suspicions so he kept working. His ear cocked towards the sound of them speaking somewhere out in the thick grove of trees completely unaware that their conversation was being overheard.

"You should see him though," Alex was saying, "He doesn't look like much – I mean he _did_ spend nearly two weeks tied to a damn tree – and his face is all battered and bruised but my dad says he is going help us fix things."

"You believe that? Your dad's lied before Alex…"

"I do, Karl… because whatever is wrong with everyone."

"Maybe nothing is wrong with us."

"But, there all dying, Karl… they try and hide it from us but you and I both know that any woman here…any…"

"I know, but – what if he's wrong, what if?"

Sawyer listened as there was a pause in their conversation and the girl, Alex spoke again and her voice was softer, he had to strain to hear her.

"Then we can't be worse off then we already are…"

"How do we know he can do what it is…"

"You just have to believe Karl, because now he has no choice but to give in."

"What do you mean?" Karl asked her.

"The woman, she's pregnant, I overheard Jules talking about with my Dad, and it's this Jack person's baby… so what could be better motivation then that?"

"That's some heavy duty shit, Alex…"

Karl answered, drawing out a heavy sigh.

There voices then began to drift away as they walked out of Sawyer's ear shot but he had heard enough, more then enough. Enough to make him feel sick with it all.

_The woman is pregnant – with this Jack person's baby. _

Those words echoed over and over in his head and he could do nothing now but bow his head at the sound of that and grip the pick axe in his hand a little harder, his knuckles turning white.

He clenched his teeth as anger and jealousy filled him. His head throbbing at the news, news he was painfully trying to digest.

So – Kate was having Jack's baby and Jack was cutting deals with the others, trying to get himself and his girl a nice, sweet little deal out of here. All while leaving him behind to break rocks.

It was enough to make a man start thinking about taking a chance or two.

--------------------

He had been awake now for three days and in that time had not spoken to her, despite her prodding.

She would come into the room to check on his vitals and make sure he ate. As she did, she would prattle on about the weather, small inconsequential matters. All while trying to gauge his reaction. He did not respond to her and his blank stares frightened her more then his strange, eerie silences.

She was all but sure that Ben's plan had backfired, that Jack's mind was now gone and irretrievable.

He sat, still and as unmovable as granite by the window, locked now and kept in her and Ben's home. Ben had thought it essential in helping Jack to see that they no longer believed him a prisoner but an equal.

_One of them. _

He was so thin now. His body so pitifully frail and weakened that he no longer seemed the same man who had come to her months ago, strong, passionate, and unwavering in his convictions.

This was a shell now of the man the world had once known as Jack Sheppard.

The man in his place was someone else, someone colder, harder and yet inexplicably and so it would seem forever broken.

It was on the third morning that he surprised her by turning in his seat and holding his hand out to her.

There were no words exchanged but it was the first time he had even acknowledged her presence.

She held her breath as she went to him and placed her hand in his outstretched one.

She felt the pressure of his fingers, as weak as he was - he was squeezing her hand in his own and the gesture almost made her weep.

He was reaching out - trying to connect.

She didn't move as she felt his tears against the flesh of her hand, and it surprised her to find he was crying, holding her hand against the roughness of his bruised and battered face and crying softly against it.

It was enough to make her cry her own tears. Then he spoke to her.

"You're Juliet, right?"

She couldn't look at him but she nodded, pleased to see that his memory was returning to him, it was slow but it was working. She breathed a grateful sigh of relief.

"Yes," she managed to say, through the thick lump in her throat.

"I remember you… I remember you were crying, you didn't want him to leave me out there, did you?"

She swallowed thickly and pulled her hand from his, a gesture that surprised the both of them.

How could she answer that? She looked up and met his dark, probing eyes and found herself unable to speak. She loved him, was in love with him and the knowledge of it made her feel even more heartsick with pity for herself. A pity she would be the first to tell you she did not believe she deserved.

She shook her head.

"No, Jack…I didn't want that at all."

He turned his head from hers, his gaze somewhere else, somewhere far away and distant.

The room grew strangely quiet, the only sound was the ragged breaths Juliet drew as she struggled to compose herself.

"He was right, you know… it had to be done," Jack whispered and there was something oddly flat about his tone, as if he were simply reciting pages from a book and not his actual feelings on the subject.

This was Ben's doing, he had finally broken him, filled his head with half truths, distorted realities and she went to his side then desperate to get through to him.

"You're wrong," she told him as she sank down to her knees by the side of his chair and reached to touch him, his hand caught her own and held it.

"No, it's true…I see it all now, its so clear - I just need to…"

His voice trailed away and he bowed his head, his breathing heavy as he squeezed his eyes in frustration, "I just have to remember it."

Her heart went out to him.

"There are other ways Jack, please…"

"No, it's the only way - its dark in here, Juliet but…"

He grimaced as if in pain and releasing her hand, gave a strangled cry as his hands went up and gripped the sides of his face.

She was instantly on her feet, leaning over him.

"Jack! Are you alright, what is it?"

He blinked a moment and then released the sides of his face, leaned back in the chair.

There was a look of total and utter confusion on his face.

"Are you…" She started but he cut her off.

"Tell me who Kate is?"

She had dreaded this and now faced with it, she could not find the right words. She stepped away from him and chewed on her lip a bit before she spoke.

"Kate is the woman you love Jack."

He nodded as if he knew as much.

"Is she here, can I see her?"

She shook her head sadly and as she did, she watched his face fall, he once again turned away from her.

"Not now but soon – you have to remember her first."

Jack nodded, "I do – somewhat, she's beautiful right, her eyes – there green, right?" Juliet nodded and placed her hands over his, "Yes, they are – a beautiful green."

"I have to save her," Jack said and he was looking away and out the window, his eyes distant and far away, "I know that – she's in trouble, isn't she? And I have to save her." "Yes," Juliet said sadly, "Don't worry when the time comes you will."


	17. Fade Out

_Authors Note: Sorry this wasn't up sooner, the last paragraph had me good and stumped. _

Chapter 17

Fade Out

This machine will not communicate  
These thoughts and the strain I am under  
Be a world child, form a circle  
Before we all go under  
And fade out again and fade out again

-Radiohead

Kate woke up completely disoriented to the sight of Sawyer leaning over her with a frantic, panicked look in his eyes.

"What -"

She started to say but didn't finish, her head felt funny but she quickly recognized the dizzying sensation. She had been drugged yet again, she was now all too aware of the after effects.

She groaned as Sawyer helped her to get her bearings and sit up and it was then that she realized that she was in a outdoor cage of some sort. She could feel hard metal bars digging into her back as he helped her to sit.

"You okay?"

She nodded and shook her head as if to clear it, her vision blurry.

"How the hell…?"

"I don't know," he said, "I woke up and there you were - I couldn't wake you, Jesus Christ, Freckles you scared me half to death."

She managed a smile.

"I'm alright."

"Yeah, but…"

He turned his gaze from her and stood up. There was something about his expression, it unnerved her.

"What is it?"  
He turned back to face her, his brows knitted with concern.

"Have you heard anything?" He asked and she twisted her head to the side to look at him, groaning from the effort as she did so.

"About what…"

She asked him while trying to push herself upright. Her whole body feeling as if it were made of rubber, everything seemed to be moving too slowly around her.

"Never mind…"

He turned away from her and she watched as his shoulders hunched and he shook his head as if trying to get something out but couldn't.

She chewed on her lip for a moment unsure of what he was driving at but she could see that he was getting worked up over whatever it was.

She knew he was worried about her that was obvious but there was something else.

_Something very wrong._

"Sawyer, what is it?"

She tried to stand but feeling dizzy, slipped a little, grabbing the bars to hold herself upright. Sawyer was at her side in an instant, gripping her around the waist and helping her to steady herself.

"Easy Freckles…"

His face was inches from hers and his eyes were burning with a combination of desire and want and what frightened her most of all, _love_.

She took a step back from him but he was still holding her, gripping her even tighter.

"Sawyer, don't…"

"You love him?"

"It's - it's more then that… but yes."

He nodded slowly and released her.

She leaned back against the bars for support, closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing.

"Yeah, I know that too…"

Her eyes snapped open at those words.

"You know what?"

"That he knocked up!" He shouted whirling on her, his voice a knotted whisper of such intensity that she was instantly struck dumb. Any words she might have uttered in response stuck in her throat.

"You know?"

His back was to her and his shoulders were shaking, she went to him slowly. Her body still feeling the effects of the drugs, lightly she touched his shoulder but he moved out from under her touch.

"He doesn't deserve you, that son of a bitch…"

She heard him hiss through clenched teeth.

"Sawyer…"

Sawyer turned and looked at her sadly, reached over and ran his hands down her face, searched her eyes.

"He's working with them now," he said and Kate was once again struck dumb,

"What - no - never…"

She flung Sawyer's hands off her and stumbled back.

"Why, would you say that?"

Kate protested, "Jack would never do that to us."  
"He did," Sawyer said, "That's why you and me and that kid you got, we got get the hell out of here!"

"I am not leaving Jack!"

"Did you just hear me?"

"You're wrong!"

"It's the truth…"

"Your only saying that because -"

"For God Sakes! -"

"You are - you don't want…"

"Goddamn it Kate - I'm saying it because I _fucking_ love you!"

His admission caused them both to take a step back, the air suddenly unbearable with tension and Kate could do nothing but bow her head, shake it sadly and then look back up at him with eyes red rimmed with tears.

"If you loved me, you wouldn't do this - you wouldn't tell me this…you…"

She was crying openly now, hands over her face and Sawyer went to her side and took her in his arms and held her, rocked her back and forth.

"I just want to get you safe - you and - and your baby."

She looked up, saw his eyes swimming with sincerity and she didn't know what was what anymore.

"Swear to me just once that this is the truth, swear it Sawyer."

He nodded and met her eyes.

"I swear it on my life, Freckles."

--------------

She didn't realize he had joined her on the porch until he had spoken. She hated herself for giving him the pleasure of seeing her startled, she jumped and turned. Her eyes a blue blaze of barely contained anger.

"What is it?" She asked coolly and Ben nodded at her and came to her side but he wasn't looking at her but out over the compound. The night was still, almost too quiet. It was late and most of the camp was asleep. Juliet watched as he leaned over the railings on his elbows and stared out into the night.

"So, he's awake?"

"Yes, no thanks to you," she spat out and he turned to acknowledge her, arms crossed over her chest and her lips pursed in a thin line of obvious disgust.

"You've been through a lot, haven't you?" he asked but his tone was not one of concern but of freezing coldness as he reached over and touched the faint bruise on her shoulder. The one he had inflicted, he made his point perfectly clear as he met her troubled blue eyes, staring the point home.

She shifted uncomfortably and looked away from him.

"Don't concern your self with me," she muttered under her breath.

"Juliet."

The tone of his voice made her look up.

"What I will say to you now is important," He paused to take in her expression, 'I debated if I should even tell but I decided that you must prepare your self for it, it has to be done and you must not do anything to stop it."

"What are you talking about Ben?"

"The evitable, Jack's freeing…"

She scoffed at that and he looked at her almost curious.

"You find this amusing?"

She whirled on him, no longer able to contain the fury she felt.

"You broke him!"

She shouted her whole body shaking with anger.

"Go on in there and look at him! He's already been through hell … you won!"

He just stared at her and she wanted to smack of the amused sneer that had twisted itself onto his thin lips.

God! She hated the very sight of him now.

"I haven't won a thing," a pause, "yet," he finished.

"If you hurt him…" She whispered, frightened by both the depth of her feelings but also her boldness in speaking them out loud.

"You'' do what?"

His cold stare a challenge.

"You've done enough damage Ben! You have already killed whoever Jack Sheppard was…you've destroyed him."

"You really are in love with him, aren't you?" Ben sneered at her.

"You're horrible," she whispered, teeth clenched, "there is no grand scheme – only your sick mind devising this plan – for nothing but your own sick gratification!"

"You're so single minded Juliet," He shook his head, "you have no vision – you never did."

"I don't need _vision_ to see now that you're insane!"

He watched as she turned heel and started towards the door but he caught her arm and pulled her back, hard.

"I will not let you ruin this Juliet, understand?"

His grip tightened harder on her arm but she refused to wince from the pain of it.

"Then kill me," she muttered quietly.

She saw that she had at last got through to him, watched his eyes widen in surprise.

"Do you hear me?"

"I hear you…"

"I would rather be dead then do anything else to harm that man in there…do you understand?"

She yanked her arm from his tight grip and this time he allowed her to go.

She had opened the door when he spoke again, stopping her in her tracks.

"It wasn't about Jack…in a way it is but the one who will die tomorrow will be Sawyer."

She turned back but he wasn't looking at her.

"Jack has a choice to make," he said and turned towards her, striking his words home, "Kate's life or Sawyer's…"

"Why - why would you do that?"

She said feeling the chill of those words, a shudder went through her and she could only stare, shocked by the sound of those words.

"I told you before you have no vision, just keep your eyes open and watch."

She shook her head in disgust and went inside, slamming the door as hard as she could as she went.

_Okay, I am sorry if this chapter wasn't that great but the next two I hope will blow everyone away… (crosses fingers)…thank you for reading. You guys are the greatest…_


	18. All My Memories

AN: I am so sorry for the delay in posting but the last month or so has been crazy. I got married and went on an amazing honeymoon woo hoo but now I am back and writing full force so expect new chapters of this and 'Undo' soon.

Chapter 18

All My Memories

All of my memories keep you near  
In silent moments,  
Imagine you'd be here  
All of my memories keep you near,  
Your silent whispers, silent tears 

- Within Temptation

Juliet is standing on the porch as the sun comes up, having not slept as Ben steps outside, leading Jack.

He meets her eyes and she sees no light in them. There is no light in her own and she wants to do something, scream - tell him that he doesn't have to do this but the terrible thing is that he does, and she is as powerless to stop this _thing _from happening as he is.

Ben catches her eye and asks her if she is coming along and then laughs as she looks away in disgust, the tears already starting to fall down her face as she turns away.

If she meets his eyes, she will see her own brokenness mirrored and she can't bear it.

_I can't save you…I can't even save myself…_

"Come on now," Ben tells Jack and Juliet hates herself for not having the strength to watch him go.

------------------

Sawyer and Kate were awaken at dawn to the sight of men, three of them standing there with guns drawn on them.

Sawyer instinctively raises a protective arm across Kate, whose eyes have opened. She lets out a tiny gasp and moves closer towards Sawyer, huddled beneath his out stretched arm as they face their captures.

"Relax, we ain't gonna shoot ya," the older, gruffer man says and smiles but it's a sick smile, one that sends a tremor of new fear through Kate as she watches that evil smile twist itself around the corners of his mouth.

"Get up," the man barks and they do, slowly they climb to their feet, ever watchful of the guns trained on them.

Sawyer is still eying them wearily as he takes a quick moment and turns towards Kate, thinking that they have come to collect her and take her back. They are suprised as they see someone, two someone's walking towards their cage.

When she realizes who is coming towards them, Kate does a double take, her heart panging painfully in her chest as realization sets in.

It's Jack.

The other is the guy who kidnapped and brought them to this hell hole, the one she knows as Henry.

"Alright you guys can leave," Henry tells the trio holding them at gunpoint as he and Jack approach the group and the men file out one by one, still keeping their weapons trained on them.

Kate wants to shout and run to Jack but doesn't - Sawyer's words still fresh and hurtful in her ears and she takes him in and realizes that he doesn't look the same.

He is so thin, almost painfully so and there is something dark in his face, something so unlike him that he frightens her.

Jacke is moving strangely, shoulder hunched, resigned it would seem and she feels the core of her faith shaken to its knees at the sight of the broken man before her. The man who now bears only the faintest trace of the strong, resourceful man that she has fallen madly in love with and whose child she now carries.

Jack raises his eyes to her and there is no recognition there, it is as if he is staring through her and that terrifies Kate more then anything.

Kate shudders as Henry steps aside to let Jack in.

"I'll be back," Henry says, and turns to his prisoners, a slow smile on his lips, "do it quickly," he says as his gaze drifts over to Sawyer.

Jack nods.

Jack steps inside and Henry locks him in and turns and leaves.

The three of them are alone now.

"Jack.."

Kate starts to say and he looks at her, his gaze cold and distant.

He seems almost taken aback as she approaches him.

Kate wonders why she is being so shy with him, she wonders why he has not taken her in his arms yet.

Why his face has not lightened up at the sight of her but she realizes that she is tentative as well, fearful.

It had been a mere month since she had been in his arms, locked in his embrace.

It had only been that long since they had vowed to stay true to one another.

She comes up to him and takes his face in her hands and Jack only stares at her.

"Jack…it's me, it's Kate…are you alright?"

Jack takes her hands in his owns and lowers them down to his side, he looks over at Sawyer and then back at Kate and she catches the traces of fear starting to form in his expression.

The knot of panic that had started to form from the minute she woke up this morning twists deeper within her and she can only stare at him confused.

"You're Kate?" He asks.

The pain of that question is immeasurable, tears come to her eyes and she squeezes his hands tighter in her own.

"Of course, I'm Kate…Jack…what did they do to you?"  
"You're so beautiful," he says almost shyly, "I knew you were but…"

"How can you not know me?" She protests, her voice a whisper, "It's me - Kate…what's happened to you?"

He starts to speak but stops himself, finally answers her, "I don't know."

There is a pause as he lets go of her hands and steps back.

"I don't know…but I know I love you."

"I love you," she says and Sawyer suddenly comes up beside them and in an instant, he has grabbed Jack by the front of his shirt and slammed him hard against the bars and there is a clanging sound but before Sawyer can question Jack, Jack shoves him off him, hard.

Sawyer stumbles but catches himself and starts back towards him as Kate rushes towards the two of them, ready to put herself between them if need be.

The quiet confusion on Jack's face coupled with the fury in Sawyer, makes her knees weak with fear.

She stops mid stride at the sight of shiny metal, a gun.

The one Jack is holding and pointing towards Sawyer now.

Sawyer has stopped, pausing in his advance.

He stares at the weapon in shock, his features colored in disbelief.

"Jack, why…the gun?" Kate stammers, shocked.

Jack doesn't even look at her, his gaze steely and intense as he watches Sawyer for the slightest hint of movement.

"I told you that son of a bitch was with them now," Sawyer says through gritted teeth.

"Put down the gun," Kate pleads.

"No," Jack says, "I can't."

"This is crazy… you're not going to kill Sawyer…you wouldn't."

Jack drags his eyes away from Sawyer for the briefest moment and catches Kate's panic stricken eyes.

"I have to," he says, there is a small trace of fear in that voice but also a steely calm.

It is a calm that hits Kate straight in the gut, sickening her.

"No, please…Jack…"

She starts towards him but Jack cocks the hammer of the gun.

"Don't."

"What they promise you, huh!… a fucking yacht, you treacherous piece of shit?" Sawyer snarls, eying both the gun and Jack with cold fury.

"Jack…please… if you do this, I'll never forgive you," Kate says and she can see the words hit there mark. His shoulder start to shake and she can see tears start to form in his eyes.

"Then you never forgive me," Jack says quietly.

Kate is frantic now, disbelief over the situation sends the panic out of her, desperate to reach him, she blurts out the only thing she has, hoping it is enough to stop what she can feel coming.

"Were having a baby Jack," she says and Jack looks at her now, his eyes burning with sadness and there it is the faintest trace of the Jack she knows, the one who would never do this, never kill an innocent man in cold blood.

"Please… don't," Kate begs him.

"That's all the more reason," he says.

"Please, you don't…"

Jack turns back towards Sawyer.

"This is for her," Jack says, "I'm sorry..."

"No…" Kate shouts, running towards them, not stopping to consider herself or the baby she carries.

She is to late, he fires and Kate screams as the bullet hits Sawyer with deadly accuracy in the chest. There is a blossoming of red across his shirt and he turns wide, stunned eyes towards Kate, staggering as his eyes go wide with shock.

Kate runs to him as he falls to his knees, catches him, screams lodged in her throat as she lowers him down to the dirt.

"Kate…" Sawyer says and she puts his head in her lap and cries over him, her whole body shaking and her sobs, nearly cleaving her in half as she tries in vain to stop the flow of blood that is pouring from the wound.

"No… no… please… no… Sawyer, don't you die on me ," she sobs and she looks up and sees Jack standing over them.

There are tears running down his face and his hand, the one holding the smoking gun is shaking and she can't stop it, the anger that fills her.

"Get away from us," she shouts at him, "I hate you… I hate you…"

He doesn't answer.

He sinks down next to her, collapses to his knees and sits there, cradling his head in his hands. He is falling now face first into a dizzying abyss of memories as the sounds of Kate's hysterical sobs fade away and he is plunged head first into memory.

_He is suddenly ten years old again, his dog had run out into the road. It is his own fault he should have held onto his leash tighter but now he is lying there in the road in front of him and he steps towards it, gets on his knees and puts his hands on it._

_He can hear his mother racing up towards him, shouting at him but he doesn't listen. He puts his hands on his dog and counts to ten._

"_Jack… don't touch him, Jack…"_

_He ignores his mothers hysterical shouting. It is as if he knows, knows what he needs to do…can do… as he kneels there beside his dying dog._

_The dog gives a start under his hand, yelps and gets up slowly - bloody but alright, he weakly nuzzles Jack's face and he turns and sees his mother standing on the curb, her eyes big and wide._

_She holds a hand to her throat as she watches as her young son turns to her smiles innocently and says, "It's okay mom, I fixed him."_

Jack opens his eyes but does not see either the sight of people running towards them, the crowd forming or Kate's hysterical, tear stained face as she cradles Sawyer's broken, and dying body in her arms

_He assailed by images of his father - of the fight they had - of him throwing the first punch, attacking him - he sees his own self standing there beside his father's body, trying to stop the sobs that break through him as he realizes, that everything broken between them will never be fixed, and lastly of Sarah, standing there outside that police station…_

"_Look on the bright side, now you have something to fix."_

Jack comes to, blinking back tears, the world folds itself back together and suddenly he is aware of who he is and where is and he sees her, his Kate - takes in her sobs, the way her eyes look up at him - angered and betrayed and Jackknows what he has done was wrong but its alright because he knows now, he sees what he has to do…

He catches her eyes, and breathes : "It's okay," he tells her, "I can fix him."


End file.
